You’re used to having a lot on your plate…
→ From managing your career and relationships to your home and hobbies, you were always doing something. But since becoming a mom, you find you can barely keep it together.
→ You knew motherhood would have its challenges, but you never thought it’d be so overwhelming.
→ Outside of being a mom, a professional, and a wife, you’re not really sure who you are anymore.
I have been there
Before I had my son, I managed what some would consider a very full schedule. I had a growing professional career, friends, and family with whom I was always planning events and outings, a new-to-us 1890s home that came with a host of DIY projects, and a list of hobbies and interests that filled all the time in between.
If I wasn't reading, running, or knitting, I was setting some new goal for myself constantly in pursuit of my "best self".
Timing is never perfect
When we decided to start a family, I'll admit that I was a little nervous about how my life would change. I didn't have many friends with little ones that I could look to as an example so I had a hard time envisioning what life would be like as a working mom.
But as I had so often heard, timing is never perfect, so we decided there was no time like the present.
I assumed, naively, that I would continue to live life the way I always had, just with a baby in tow. I was convinced that I wouldn’t change the way I lived just because I was becoming a mom.
I’m fine, thanks.
Colleagues congratulated me and asked how I was doing. So I smiled back and said things are "crazy" but that I was doing fine, that I was adjusting.
I couldn’t bear to tell them how I was really doing. That the colleague they knew, the one who could juggle a million projects and clients and make it look easy, was so overwhelmed by motherhood and life in general that she was in a constant state of either holding back tears or wanting to scream.
What happened to me? What happened to the woman who loved working, who thrived on having a full plate, who had this internal drive and motivation to learn, to grow, and to be challenged? Why was being a working mom SO HARD?
Seeking Help
After struggling through 3 months back at work, 3 months of tears, sleep deprivation, and next to no motivation or energy, I reached out for help. That simple act of saying out loud that I was not ok, was the biggest turning point in my journey.
I said it first to my husband and my mom, then I reached out to my doula and my midwife, who referred me to a support group, who referred me to my therapist. I worked with her for the next year to overcome the postpartum depression.
Everyone just wanted to help. Everyone just wanted to see me happy again.
During that time, I also started opening up to friends and coworkers about my struggles transitioning into motherhood and I found that I was far from alone.
So many new moms breathed a sigh of relief to hear that someone else could relate to what they had or were going through. We would talk about the guilt, the stress, the overwhelm, the depression, and the loss of self.
My “me-time” doesn’t look the same as it did before I had kids.
My kids are often jumping in front of the TV as I try to do my exercise videos, the most frequently listened to meditations on my app are the kids’ ones on being kind, and a hot cup of coffee is a luxury that does not go unnoticed. But I have more realistic expectations now and I can make more out of 5 minutes than the average person!
My son and I have an especially close bond and I love that he gets to see me doing things that I love still. I have since gone on to become a mother of three. And while I worried that the overwhelm and the PPD might return again, I felt so much more prepared. I knew what I needed to do to maintain my well-being and my sanity and I made those things a priority.
The biggest thing that I did differently this time around?
I asked for help!
My Mission.
I am in awe of how far I have come on my own journey, and as hard as that first year was for me, without those challenges I would not have learned all that I know today.
And that is my mission with Mother Nurture. To share my lessons, my research, my ideas and to hear about your struggles, your fears, and your stress.
Being a working mom is challenging, yes. But it can also be enjoyable. I want to help you find that space - to find you and what working motherhood looks like for you.
One of my favorite quotes, and a sentiment that I remind myself of frequently, is that “you are the only one who can give your kids a happy mom who loves life.”