How to Date Your Spouse
Has dating your spouse taken a backseat to working and parenting?
I know it did for me for years.
So I'll remind you the same thing that I had to remind myself - of course it has!
You only have so much bandwidth and that means that you have to de-prioritize certain things in order to survive.
But when the time comes, whether that's now or in the future, I want to make sure you're successful at reconnecting.
Because I see so many women who are finally ready and they schedule a date thinking that by just putting time on the calendar, their work is done.
That by just going on a date, they'll magically feel the sparks fly and that connection reform.
But it takes more than that. Here's what I mean...
Of course, getting to the point of actually walking out the door takes a LOT of work. I recognize that. You should absolutely give yourself a pat on the back.
You have to make the date a priority, find childcare, anticipate all of the logistics - setting out pajamas, prepping food, and making reservations - then potentially grapple with feelings of guilt for leaving your kids even more than you already do.
But beyond taking care of the logistics and showing up at the agreed upon date and time, you have to want more for your date than just time away from the kids.
More than just time to talk about the logistics of life.
I mean, it makes sense! With so few opportunities to have an uninterrupted conversation, it's easy to leverage date night to actually talk, make decisions, and plan!
But that's #adulting. And it's not the way to reconnect.
What I recommend to all of my clients who are restarting their dating life with their spouse, is to do something different!
What's something you and your partner have never done together or haven't done together in a long time?
Not what restaurant or bar haven't you tried yet. But what type of activity would be new to you both?
Research has been done about how trying or learning new things together strengthens a relationship. It's a new shared experience where you get to see each other in new ways.
And for parents, where it's all too easy to just talk about your kids, you're forced to put your attention on the experience itself. On figuring out or learning this new activity and therefore you're not talking about the kids or the logistics of life.
You get to just BE together.
Here are some of my favorite examples. Some I've tried personally, and some my clients have tried and enjoyed:
Cooking class
Wine/beer/coffee/tea/cocktail tasting
Bowling
Arcade
Roller/Ice skating
Kayaking/Canoeing
Top Golf or Putt putt golf
Escape room
Dance lessons
Crafting/Art class - pottery, glass blowing, painting
Karaoke
Hiking
Concert/Comedy show/performance that's new to you
Biking
Group exercise class
There are so many options and probably even more where you live. All you have to do is choose one to start.
So many of you save all the "fun" and "adventures" for your kids. And rightly so! It's FUN to take them places and see them experience things for the first time. I do it too.
But you're allowed to have your own fun too. And it's especially important if you're finding yourself simply checking the box when it comes to date nights.
So whether you're just starting to think about dating again, you're already dating but finding the connection lacking, or you still feel like dating is a stretch, I encourage you to go beyond a "typical" date and experience something together.
...and I can already see the smiles and the sparks flying.
If you're struggling to fit a date into your schedule, book a Planning Intensive so we can free up some time for you to reconnect with your partner!
And if you're ready to take your marriage to the next level, to leave behind the mom guilt, to fully share household responsibilities, and to bring more fun and play into your life, try 1:1 coaching because that's exactly what we'll do.