Episode 16: 4 Mistakes to Avoid this Holiday Season
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In this podcast episode, Katelyn shares the four most common mistakes that she sees working moms make this time of year. With so much on the calendar in November and December from holidays, events, celebrations, and school breaks, if you're not careful, you can easily overcommit yourself and feel completely burned out come January 1st. But with a little awareness and intention, you can create a plan that supports you through the season and helps you create the end-of-year experience that you want.
In my annual holiday planning workshop, Stress Less This Holiday, I'll guide you through the planning process that considers your schedule, your energy, your family, your work, and the memories that you want to create. You'll walk away with a clear head, a well thought out plan, and know exactly what needs to get done so that you can stop stressing and be present for it all. Get your ticket today at www.themothernurture.com/holidays.
In this episode, you’ll learn…
01:29 Holiday planning workshop announcement
02:03 The Four most common holiday season mistakes
03:32 Mistake 1: Saying yes without pausing
07:55 Mistake 2: Not having a seasonal intention
10:54 Mistake 3: Reinventing the wheel
15:13 Mistake 4: Neglecting your healthy habits
links & resources mentioned in this episode:
Follow me on Instagram @lovemothernurture
Listen to Episode 15: Planning for the Unexpected
Listen to Episode 11: No More Excuses
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You are listening to the Life Coach for Working Moms podcast, the show where we are talking about what it actually takes to make life work as a working mom. I'm your host, Katelyn Denning, a full time working mom of three and a certified life and executive coach. I'm so glad you're here and I hope you enjoy this week's episode
Hey, welcome back to another episode of the podcast. How are you this week? There is so much going on right now. It is late October. If you're listening to this in real time, my favorite month of the year, I celebrated my birthday last week and we have Halloween coming up here. I am taking advantage of another year.
Somehow I squeaked it out. Where my kids are still interested in doing a family themed costume. So let's see, last year we were the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I was April, of course, the year before that we were the weather. So I was snow. My daughter was like a rainbow. What was it? My, my oldest son was a lightning storm and my youngest, very fittingly, was a tornado and my husband was the weatherman, the reporter.
, we were a dance party before that and then before that the kids would just coordinate. I, I decided to get in on the fun, I think, in 2021. But anyway, this year we are a space theme, so. If you don't follow me on Instagram, be sure to pop over there and follow along at Love Mother Nurture.
I'll post some pictures on Halloween of how things turned out, but, Oof! It's been a lot of costume design and crafting and making over here. So much fun. And by now you all know then after Halloween, I'm hosting my annual holiday planning workshop. It's coming up on November 7th. Of course, I'd love to have you there.
I hope you'll join us so that you have that Dedicated time set aside where you can focus, think about what is on your plate or what's coming up, what you want out of the season and get it all out of your head and onto the calendar with some lists. So you have a plan, you know, what's happening when, and you can just go do the things.
But either way, As we head into this time of year, I want to call out for this episode today, I want to call out some of the most common mistakes that I see when it comes to the holiday season. And again, the holiday season to me is really the final two months of the calendar year. So November and December, Where we have so many different celebrations, events, activities, school breaks, time off of work, and just more things than we usually do.
I would say probably any other time of the year, maybe except for May, and it's a reason we call it May cember. And stick around in May, I always do some planning and some support for y'all during that time of year because it's a lot. But really it doesn't matter what holidays you celebrate, if you celebrate any holidays, it's just a busy time of the year.
And it can be even harder if you fall into some of these traps that we're going to be talking about today. So. Let's get right into it. I have a lot to share. I'm going to be talking about the four biggest mistakes that I see. There are probably more, but these are the ones that if you pay attention to nothing else this season, pay attention to these.
Alright, so listen up. The first mistake that so many of you are making, especially this time of year, is saying yes before you pause. And consider. So with all of the things that you could do, you might find yourself. Already with an overpacked schedule, your schedule is likely already full.
I was previewing November for some decisions that I needed to make, already at this point. And weekends are filling up, evenings are filling up, and so if you say yes or commit to something without checking first, you're likely to overextend yourself. You are likely to have more on your plate than you can realistically fit or manage or manage without burning out.
My clients and I call this the pause. When you get that invite, when someone sends you a text message, You don't have to reply right away. You don't have to say yes or really anything, even to someone who's asking you face to face, Hey, we're getting together this weekend. You guys should come. You can just pause.
There's so much power in pausing. Pausing gives you the chance to consider, does this fit? Do we have time and energy to do this? Do we have enough information? Do I have enough information to make a decision about whether I can say yes or no? What else do I need to know? Do I or do we as a family want to do this?
This is a huge one and one that I coach on all the time. Instead of thinking that you should do this, Oh, we should do this celebration. We should go to this event. We should go to this school function. You can use the word could. You could go to that concert or you could not. And if you could or could not, which one feels true for you or aligned or right for you?
When you don't pause, . What happens is you're likely to just respond with whatever your default is. So if you tend to say yes, you'll probably just say yes. If you tend to say no, you'll probably say no.
Maybe that yes or no ends up being the right answer in this situation, but maybe not. Maybe you actually would really love going to that event or gathering, but your default is usually to say no. Or maybe you'd actually rather stay home, but your default is to say yes, and so you said yes. Now, of course, you can change your mind, another thing that I coach on a lot.
You can change your mind. You can go back and reverse your decision, but a lot of us don't. Or what's actually more likely to happen is you don't even realize or you won't even really realize what you actually wanted to do until you're doing or not doing the thing. And wouldn't it be so much better to have checked in with yourself and heard your true choice before defaulting and just moving forward with that yes or no.
That's the power of pausing, letting the invite sit for 24 hours, leaving the text message, unread and putting it on your list of things that you need to decide for the season. Getting the email, again, moving it over to your list of things that you need to consider and think about. Or when someone asks you in person, thanks so much for the invite.
Let me think about that. Or I want to check our calendar to make sure that we have the time for it. Or before I commit to volunteering or helping with this thing, let me make sure that I have the capacity to do what you're asking me to do. If you remember nothing else from this episode, if this is the only mistake that you listen to, this is the most powerful one.
It's why I put it first. Remember to pause and consider anything that you're thinking about doing or buying or going to. This works all the time, but especially this time of year, pause and consider, which brings me actually to the second most common mistake that I see happen around this time of year, which is not knowing what your intentions are for the season.
What is it that you're actually trying to create? What kind of season do you want to experience for yourself with your partner, with your family? What is it that you want? If you don't know the answers, then pausing to consider whether or not you should say yes to that invite, whether you should buy tickets to that thing, whether you should participate in that gift exchange or go to that school function or sign up for that volunteer opportunity or even work project.
Right? we consider all of the extra things going on at work this time of year. Do you have the capacity for that? Well, pausing to consider your answer will be so much more challenging if you don't know what you want out of the season. Pause, but you won't have the litmus test. the filter to run it through for yourself to know whether this invite or activity or event aligns with what you want with your vision for the season.
This is the first thing that we do in stress less this holiday, the workshop, we create your vision for the season. We think about getting to the end of the season and looking back What will you feel content with? What are the memories that you know you want to make? How do you want to feel? If you had to describe the season in one word or two, what would those words be?
Are you going for a joyful season? A calm season? A cozy season? A connected one? A faith filled one? A romantic season? Are you looking for relaxed or rest? What are the words that would describe the season that you would be so content and satisfied with, and what are the memories that support that? Having your vision, your intention for the season, is setting your compass, or we could say your north star, toward what you want.
This helps you ask for what you want. This helps you schedule what fits with your vision and decline what doesn't. And it helps you when you have to decide when you have to choose yes or no.
It makes that so much easier as opposed to building that vision as you go and saying yes to some things, but no to another. It just makes it so much easier. Mistake number three that I see happen this time of year is what I'll call reinventing the wheel. So you go through enough. Seasons like this.
I think of, of May as well for me. We talked about May cember. I've gone through enough months of May in my time as a parent that I know sort of what to expect. I can't plan for it all. See the last episode on planning for the unexpected. I can't plan for it all. But you do start to get better. You start to anticipate.
Just like you're a better parent today than you were a month ago and a year ago or whatever your parenting timeline looks like, you do get better as you go. And there are so many things that happen this time of year that fall under the category of traditions, things that we always do in my family, We celebrate Thanksgiving here in the States in November and my daughter's birthday is always right around then and so is my father in law's and so is my stepfather's, and so is my niece's.
There are so many birthdays that time of year. I know those things are coming and so I do my future self a favor and I plan in advance for those. The things that I can anticipate, I start to create a template or a formula, things that I can just rinse and repeat. In the workshop every year, inevitably the conversation around what to get teachers at the end of the year to show your appreciation, you're wrapping up maybe the fall semester, the first half of the school year, the holiday break is coming.
What sort of gift, what do you want to do to show your appreciation? So we're always brainstorming. Everyone's sharing their ideas. And years ago, when this used to be a big stressor for me, I have three children. My oldest now has two teachers, a homeroom teacher and his, other team teacher. There are specials teachers in daycare
there's always The main classroom teacher, but there's support staff and other people that you want to appreciate. And it was a huge point of stress for me. So I decided to just create a template for myself or a formula, whatever you want to call it. And each year I take note, this is the dollar amount that we spend.
We do a little homemade card. It goes with a gift card. I make it simple and repeatable. That's one thing that I don't have to think about when I think about the gifts that I'm getting for my kids or for family members this time of year, that I want to be different year after year. That's one thing that I actually don't need to be different.
It's okay if they get the same thing year after year. So for those areas of your life, for those traditions, For those events, for those gifts, for those celebrations, for those activities, how can you set a standard in place for yourself? Do you celebrate with your in laws the weekend before Christmas, if you celebrate Christmas?
Do you always do New Year's Eve in a certain way? Can you do teacher gifts in a certain way? Can you do birthdays in a set way? Can you do brunch with your friends? Or a cookie swap, if that's what you do, or a friendsgiving? When does that happen? Don't reinvent the wheel, just set it in place and fall back on those set formulas, those set templates year after year to give yourself a little bit more capacity, both in your schedule and in your decision making ability, your mental capacity to deal with the things that are going to be new and unexpected, or the things that you do want to change up, but for the things that are working well, don't reinvent the wheel.
And my best advice is to take notes, 365 days between this time of year, that's a lot of life that happens in between. And we do forget as good as you think your memory is. We do forget, take notes for yourself and don't reinvent the wheel. All right. The mistake number four that I see happen this time of year is when you let go of your healthy habits.
So I talked in episode 11, No More Excuses, prioritizing self care one step at a time, all about healthy habits. The things that you do that are your baseline, that help you have the energy and Just to feel good as we do all of the things that we have to do as we parent and we take care of our homes as we work and advance our careers.
And when the plates get full, when the schedules get full this time of year, we've added so many extra to dos to the plate as we organize family and celebrations and shop for gifts and decorate or attend all of these events. It's so easy for the first thing to go to be those little things that really make all the difference.
And so this time of year, especially, it's so important to stick to your healthy habits. We actually probably need more healthy habits than in normal times, quote unquote normal times. So for me, for example, during the next two months, it's going to be more important than ever that I go to bed at a reasonable time that I don't stay up crossing more things off my list or reading too late into the night.
I need sleep now more than ever. I need water. I need, fresh fruits and vegetables and plenty of protein. I need my daily walks. I need connection time with my husband, with my friends. I want to continue lifting weights in the mornings three times a week. And instead of letting those things go in order to do all of the extra things that come on to your plate this time of year, how can you prioritize those?
How can you make sure that those healthy habits are a part of your plan, that they are just as important as all of the other things that you want to do to make this season magical or fun or joyful or relaxed for everyone in your family? When you let go of your healthy habits, not only are you still doing a lot of extra this time of year, But you're doing it from a deficit, you're doing it from, think of a battery, right?
A drained battery, a battery that is like going into battery conservation mode because it's about to run out of juice. Everything feels harder from that place. It feels harder to make decisions. It feels harder to show up. It feels harder to cross things off your list, to be present. When your mind is wandering because you don't have the energy to be where your feet are, it's harder to connect.
It's harder to maintain perspective and see the bigger picture when maybe something doesn't go according to plan. So as you're thinking about your schedule, as you're thinking about what is coming the next two months, I urge you to think about the healthy habits that you want and need to maintain this time of year in order to support yourself and to show up the way that you want to show up.
Okay. So those four, again, as you go into this season, remember these four, don't fall into the trap of letting these mistakes. Wreak havoc on your holiday season. The first is make sure that you're not just saying yes. Pause and consider your answer before you default into what you would normally default into.
The second, not understanding your intentions for the season. What is it that you're trying to create? Create that litmus test for yourself so that you can run all of your future decisions through that. Number three. Reinventing the wheel, create some systems, some routines, some templates, some formulas for yourself.
What are the repeatable things that you can rely on and do the same year after year without having to bring something fresh and new into it, save your energy for the things that you really want to create new and try and experiment with. And the fourth one, letting go of those healthy habits. This time of year, what are those things that you need to commit to, that you need to maintain, so that you have the energy to show up in the way that you want to this holiday season.
All right. When I talk to you next week, it will be November. We will have made it over the top of the roller coaster hill. We'll be going down the other side, zipping and zooming so fast into the end of the year. But as long as you consider these four things, I think we can make it a successful ride, an enjoyable ride.
How about that one where we can just go with the ups and downs and. One quick last reminder, November 7th, come join us for Stress Less this holiday. We'd love, love, love to have you. Come plan your season. We'll think through all of these things together. It's going to be such a fun time, such a focused time, and you'll walk away feeling ready to go.
All right, until then, take care, and I will talk to you soon.
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