Episode 29: Owning Your Choices About How You Spend Your Time
ITUNES | SPOTIFY
If you ever find yourself thinking that you never have enough time, that you're always behind, or like your days are happening to you, this episode is for you. We all make choices about how we spend our time. From the big decisions like choosing to work instead of stay home, to the little ones like staying up late to watch a show or scroll our phone instead of getting sleep, these choices influence how much time we have. In this episode, I am teaching you how to notice the choices you make about how you spend your time so that you can make those choices intentionally. When you are aware of your choices, you can either choose to own them or choose to change them. We all have the same amount of time, but we can choose what's important to us and how we spend it. Don't miss this powerful episode that will change the way you view time forever.
In this episode, you’ll learn…
00:37 Feeling like you never have enough time
01:57 Recognizing the choices you are making about time
02:03 A personal story about choice in house projects (not just choosing a paint color!)
07:09 A client example about exercise
11:11 Empowering yourself through choices
15:49 Learn to choose how you spend your time in my group program - Beyond Balance
links & resources mentioned in this episode:
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You are listening to the Life Coach for Working Moms podcast, the show where we are talking about what it actually takes to make life work as a working mom. I'm your host, Katelyn Denning, a full time working mom of three and a certified life and executive coach. I'm so glad you're here and I hope you enjoy this week's episode
Hey, and welcome back to another episode of the podcast. I am on here today with a little impromptu topic, but I shared something on Instagram the other day that really resonated with a lot of you and the wheels have just been turning in my mind ever since. And so I wanted to come here and just explore this.
a little bit more deeply with you. First, I will say, if you are on Instagram and you're not following along, pop over there. I'm at Love Mother Nurture, but.
I put this photo up on Instagram and my post had to do with time. And how easy it is to get frustrated when we don't have enough of it. How easy it is to feel envious of others who are spending time doing things that we want to be doing. We wish we could be doing that or that we had time for that.
And how that never feels good. want what we don't have to resent what we do have, which is not enough time. And also the feeling like we're quote unquote behind also never feels good. If you are in a constant state of trying to catch up, to get caught up, there is no being in the present moment, there is no contentment for what we have.
But what is the alternative? How do you get out of that place of feeling frustrated that you don't have enough time, envious of others who do, or just that feeling of behind? How do you break out of those feelings? You recognize your choices.
Let me tell you a quick story to help explain what I mean by choice in this example, so a couple of weekends ago. I decided to start painting our mudroom I think I mentioned this on a previous podcast episode as well Just feeling really proud of myself for making progress on one of my goals or intentions for this year So over the last I don't know six years we have slowly been updating and customizing our spaces and so my husband built these cabinets and cubbies for that space and As I'm sure weekends are for you too, as a working mom, there's a lot that I have to or that I choose to do in my weekends.
I am tidying up the house. I'm always running a couple of loads of laundry. We're trying to get outside time if we can. Take some walks. I don't know, play games. The last couple of weekends we've been chipping away at progress on my kids science fair projects. There's just You know, the things that you have to do to reset after a work week and also prepare for the upcoming work week and you want some downtime as well.
Do some fun things. Well, I decided that a couple of weekends ago, I would make time to start painting. And so I got all of the edges, there were so many edges, I got all of the edges trimmed on Saturday, that took me a while. And I rolled the first coat on Sunday. But then I had to set it aside because I had dinner to make and some other meal prepping to do and some things for the week ahead.
Well, Tuesday night, I decided to pick it back up. We didn't have anything scheduled in that evening. And so I picked up the paintbrush and thought, let me just see how far I can get with the trimming. My husband was leading the charge for bedtime with the kids and by nine o'clock I was only half done and I had a choice to make.
Did I want to stay up, continue trimming, to get this done? Because, right, having it done meant that all I had to do was roll the second coat, that was so much faster, and then I could finally put our mirror back on the wall. It's been sitting on the kitchen island since I started the project. I could rehang the hooks for our keys, which were also scattered across the kitchen island.
I could put the light switch covers back on. I could move our shoes back into the space. I could Peel the tape off and put away the ladder and all of the things that have just made that entry space and spilled over into our kitchen. And made it just feel so messy. So did I want to stay up late and do that?
Or did I want to put it away and get ready for bed? Knowing that my next opportunity to really have that focus time to trim wouldn't be until. The next weekend.
Well, I chose going to bed. I chose sleep and having a little bit of time to read my book before I fell asleep. Which meant that I also chose a messy mudroom and a messy kitchen for several more days until I could get back to it.
It would have been so easy to continue throughout the week. Complaining. I just need more time to be able to get that done. Or, ugh, our house is such a mess. I just don't have enough time. But that is actually not true. That complaining is actually not true. Because I could get the painting done. I could stay up late.
I could order takeout instead of meal prepping. I could have given up reading my book before bed. But I didn't want those things. I wanted sleep. I wanted to still cook our meals at home. I wanted to read.
There are so many things that we choose when it comes to time. We choose to stay up late instead of going to bed, which means that we are essentially choosing to not be able to wake up early and work out, or to not get the sleep that we want. We choose to say yes to one thing, which then means we say no to another.
We choose to check our phones and scroll. And so what do you not have time or attention for as a result of that choice? When you think of the things that you never seem to have time for, as hard as it can be to face, can you also see how that is your choice? This is not a mandate or me encouraging you to make tough choices or always choose to do the hard thing.
I had a client last week who is working on this practice in her own life of recognizing her choice in any given situation. And this client, she works out most mornings. She's amazing. Before work, she's doing yoga, Pilates, those types of things. She recognized that one of the days. In her week, she chose to sleep in because her body needed more sleep.
And just recognizing that it was her choice helped her to not beat herself up later or feel guilty about skipping the workout. When she turned off that early alarm, she recognized and acknowledged that it was a choice. And that is where the power is. It's in bringing awareness to all of the choices that we make when it comes to our time.
It's being conscious of those choices. And if you don't notice it in the moment, at the point when you are actively making the choice, can you at least notice it afterward?
For example, this happens to me sometimes. I'm really hoping I'm not alone. But If today, during my workday, I didn't actively notice the choice I make to scroll Instagram or listen to the latest Onyx Storm, theory video, my latest fantasy read, then it's very possible that when it comes time to get the kids after school, and I'm still not done with the work I had planned on doing today, I will feel frustrated.
I'll jump into the phrase or the thinking, Oh, I never have enough time or there's so much to do. There's not enough time. But even then I have the opportunity to recognize the choices that I made earlier in the day. I actually did have time. But I chose to scroll, or I chose to take a walk and get some steps in, or I chose to take a real lunch break, I chose to maybe for you talk with my colleague or someone on my team because it's important to me that I build and maintain those relationships.
Even after the fact, can you recognize the choices that you made? I find myself using this with my kids a lot as well, reminding them regularly about their choices. We were playing Uno Flip the other night. My kids are obsessed with Uno Flip. It's like Uno, but then there are different colors on the back side and one of the cards, one of the You know, wild cards that you can play.
Everybody turns the deck over and suddenly you're playing with these different colors. We were playing Uno Flip the other night and one of them, I can't remember who, because they like to pass the baton when doing this behavior. They were super upset because they just drew like the entire deck trying to get the right color card to be able to follow suit.
And, you know, they throw their cards down and they're super frustrated. My youngest will cry. And It's just a choice at that point that I have to remind them. Do you want to quit the game? This does not seem like fun for you. Do you want to quit? Or do you want to keep playing? Because this is a game you love, and this is our time together as a family.
It's not, come on, get over it, or that's just how the game is played, or you're being dramatic. It's reminding them that no one is forcing them to play this game. It is their choice. And that reminder is empowering, even for our young kids. I hope that they can be resilient and push through the discomfort of losing, though in Uno it changes, on a dime, all of the time, in terms of who is quote unquote winning.
But they do have a choice. Do they want to quit? Or do they want to keep playing? In acknowledging your choice, In all of the different circumstances and situations throughout your day, not only does it feel better, it's not quite so negative as feeling like the victim, or feeling frustrated or envious. It also empowers you to choose more actively in the future.
It's like how when you are aware of a habit that you have, then and only then can you start to modify it or change it. I can't stop saying um or using verbal fillers when I record this podcast or when you give a presentation or a speech at work. You can't change that if you don't know that you're doing it.
In the same way, you can't actively Own your choices if you don't recognize that you are making choices. I see so many women not take ownership of their choices and not even see the choices that they have, that they are making. Instead, they prefer to feel like a victim to time. The reality is that time just moves along.
It is steady. You can hear that second hand clicking through. We are the ones who choose how we use it. We are the ones who choose what to spend our time doing. And until you can see the choices that you make, you probably always feel like you're behind, or like you never have enough time. A helpful phrase that I still remind myself of is there's just time.
and what we choose to do with it.
That's why I think time tracking is so important. Listen to episode 28 if you haven't already, because once you see how you're spending your time, then you can start to notice the choices that you have made. that got you to the way that you're spending your time.
Seeing those choices is the first step. Want to get more sleep? Well, what choices are you making right now that are preventing you from sleeping more? Want more time with your kids? What choices are you making right now that could be getting in the way of that? And maybe there aren't things that you can change to get more sleep or to spend more time with your kids or to fill in the blank.
But do you stand behind the things that you are choosing to spend your time on instead? Is it work? Because financially you need those resources or you need those benefits. Is it going back to school? And so you're spending time studying and taking classes, which means less sleep or less time with your kids or less time doing other things that you might enjoy.
It's not always. That you can make the change to get what you want, but you can own the choice of the thing that you are doing. Getting your MBA means the promotion at work, which means more money, which means This change for your family, and so it's a temporary sacrifice that you are willing and choosing to make.
So instead of telling yourself that you have to do something or you need to do something, remind yourself that you're choosing it. I have to finish painting this room. I don't have to, but I am choosing to stay up late to finish it and forego extra sleep or time with my family.
I have to go to this baby shower, for example. Is that true? Or are you choosing it because it's an important relationship to you, and therefore you're choosing not to be able to do those other things during that time? Acknowledging choice can go even bigger. Are you unhappy in your job? Well, is it your choice to stay, though, for certain reasons, or not?
When noticing and acknowledging your choices, starts to become your norm, starts to become your regular practice, you feel so much more empowered. Empowered to choose differently, if you want or if you can.
Also just empowered because you are in the driver's seat. Things aren't happening to you, you are choosing, and therefore you are living intentionally. This is what we are working on and toward inside Beyond Balance, my small group coaching program for working moms to go from always feeling behind to feeling like you have plenty of time.
We have Just three spots left in this round of the group. So if you are thinking about joining us, get your application in now. It's just a few questions to help me make sure that everyone in this group will be a good fit and that you can be successful. I want everyone in this group to be successful. I want you to walk away in 12 weeks, having consistent time for the things that you choose that matter most to you.
We are starting next week though, so go ahead and apply to learn more. Applications are open through Friday, February 7th, and you can fill that out. On my website at the mother nurture. com forward slash interest. As always, everything I've talked about here on the podcast can be found in the show notes on my website at the mother nurture.
com forward slash podcast. And until the next episode, I hope you take care talk soon.
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