Episode 31: Ditching the Distraction: How to Be More Present with Your Kids (Without Ditching Your Phone Completely)
ITUNES | SPOTIFY
How do you stay present with your family when your phone is always there calling for your attention? From juggling work, home life, and endless to-dos, it’s easy to let the phone become a habit you reach for in moments of downtime or as a tool to help you actually cross things off the list. But at what cost - to you and to your kids?
The episode explores how our phones, while super handy tools for productivity, can also pull us out of the moment. You’ll learn practical tips for replacing the habit of reaching for your phone with simple, fun, analog alternatives. The goal is to create an "analog basket"—a collection of low-tech activities that are always within arm’s reach, making it easier to choose them over the phone when you want to be near your kids but not get sucked into your phone.
If you’ve been struggling with balancing screen time with real-time connection, this episode offers actionable advice, relatable insights, and encouragement to bring more mindfulness into the time you have with your kids. You don’t want to miss this one!
In this episode, you’ll learn…
00:53 The impact of phones on parenting
02:43 How my clients are reducing phone dependency
07:48 Analog activities to replace scrolling
15:54 What is an "Analog Basket" and how to create one
links & resources mentioned in this episode:
Tell me what would go in your analog basket! DM me on Instagram
-
You are listening to the Life Coach for Working Moms podcast, the show where we are talking about what it actually takes to make life work as a working mom. I'm your host, Katelyn Denning, a full time working mom of three and a certified life and executive coach. I'm so glad you're here and I hope you enjoy this week's episode.
Hey, welcome back to another episode of the podcast today. I want to talk about our phones. I am giving mine the side eye right now as it sits next to me on my desk while I'm recording. And, oh, there's so much to say about technology and phones, especially as parents and raising our kids. And this is a huge, huge topic.
We're not going to get into everything today. I do have on my list. to read in the very near future. I'm wondering if any of you have read it already. Probably it's super popular right now. The anxious generation. , can't wait to dive into that. I'm a little terrified, but I know it's a must read as a parent, especially with my oldest being 10.
We're not there yet with him having a device of any kind, but I know it will be in our future. But today I want to talk about our phones as this. Distraction that pull us out of being present, especially with our kids, with our families at home, this comes up quite regularly and it doesn't surprise me really at all because the working moms who reach out to me, who end up working with me as their coach, of course, they come with very different and unique goals.
They're all coming from. different starting points in their life in terms of what working motherhood looks like for them. But I can say pretty much across the board, one of the themes that they all have in common is that they want to be present. They want to be present parents. They want to create memories with their families.
They want their kids. to look back and remember how their mom made them feel. And one of the biggest roadblocks to being present, I would say more so than even working. So many people who maybe are not working parents believe that you can't be a truly present parent when you are working 40 plus hours away from your kid.
Obviously, I don't believe that. We don't believe that here. We could do a whole other episode and maybe I will about quality versus quantity, how we get to decide that for ourselves and create this definition for ourselves of what that means. But a barrier outside of that, that I think is even bigger to us being able to be present is our phones.
It is a regular homework assignment with my clients to have something for them to try to help remove that distraction. I'm smiling because maybe some of you are newer to listening to me and you're like, Homework? What does that mean? We're not in school, we're adults here. But one of the things that I love about coaching is the opportunity to Take action to do things, to experiment and practice in our lives.
That's how we bring about change. And so, yes, my private clients, my group clients, anyone who works with me does have homework. And so a regular homework assignment and one that I will often assign to myself as well, as I go through different seasons of noticing my dependency on my phone would be maybe to notice.
Your homework assignment might be to notice all of the moments over the next week or two when you go to reach for your phone. Is it a true need because someone has messaged you, or there's an email that you need to send, or you need to make a phone call, or is it a habit? I don't have anything in my hands, I don't have something to do, so I reach for my phone.
Just start to bring awareness to that. That might be your homework assignment. Another homework assignment that comes up regularly is to try using a traditional, old fashioned alarm clock instead of your phone. So that It is not so readily available to you to reach for first thing in the morning. How many of us reach for our phones first thing in the morning to scroll Instagram, to check our email, to look at our calendar, to see what came in overnight.
Maybe a homework assignment could be to dock your phone, put it somewhere when you get home, plug it in so that You don't use it or reach for it during those peak home hours in the evening after work when you're going through the dinner and bedtime routine.
There are so many small tweaks like this, so many small experiments that we can try, and they all have an impact to some extent, at least in the short term. Until we lapse and find ourselves sucked into the news or social media, or even just using our phone as a tool, can we acknowledge that it is a tool, and a very effective tool at that?
I saw this video not too long ago, you've probably seen it too, where it just showed a video of a mom sitting probably on a couch or somewhere. With her phone, she was on her phone and from the outside looking in, we assume that, I don't know, she's texting somebody, she's scrolling or doing something like that, but really, she is placing a grocery order, she's processing a return, she's checking the bank account, she's sending a Venmo payment for Girl Scout cookies, she is arranging for a babysitter, she's Choosing photos to print for those living room frames that are still sitting empty and on and on and on.
With so much on our to do list, when we have a down moment, we think, well, what could I cross off my list? I have this amazingly powerful tool in my back pocket. It could cross off almost everything here. I could do anything on my list from my phone for the most part.
Now, I could age myself right now and say that there are still certain tasks that I much prefer to do from my laptop, but even I can admit, there's plenty I can do to be productive on my phone.
I think I read somewhere that one of the things that we can do as parents in this digital age is to tell our kids what we are doing, to explain why we are picking up our phone and how we are using it as a tool. If we name the task, maybe the kids start to recognize that we're not just zoning out. We're actually texting so and so's mom about scheduling that play date or something along those lines.
I was talking with my sister in law, actually just last night, about how she's really trying to read more physical books for that day. very same reason. She doesn't want her young kids to see her on a device any more than they have to. So instead of a Kindle or an ebook, she wants a physical book.
And that is super common with parents, or at least in this community here. Partly, we are craving an analog experience because we have so much tech in our lives. But we're also wanting to show our kids that not everything has to be done on our phone. That we live in our real lives as well, not just our online lives.
When I think about the times that I reach for my phone when I am in the presence of my kids, and especially when they were younger, it was in those moments when When they were playing really well. They were occupied with something. They were entertaining each other or just really engrossed in the puzzle or the make believe world that they had going on and they didn't need me to be actively engaged.
In some way, I didn't want to burst that bubble, but they still needed me nearby, either for safety because they were young enough that he didn't quite trust myself to step away or out of the room, or just for comfort. I mean, I remember so many times where I would try to sneak away.
They'd be engrossed playing, doing something completely fine. And I would sneak away to go fold a basket of laundry nearby or to take care of some chore. And they would immediately Notice that I wasn't there and then they would need me. And so it was just easier to just stay seated on the floor next to them or on the couch next to them or at the table right nearby and scroll on my phone because I had it there.
It was handy
and I would just zone out because for me, honestly, playing with dolls or cars or Legos was not really what I wanted to do. But is that really what we want our kids to see? And just as importantly, is that really what we want for ourselves? When we get those moments in between activities, schedules, chores, where we can just be for a few minutes.
Is spending that time on our phone the highest and best use of that time?
I don't, I'm not here to argue and say that the highest and best use of that time is to be productive. It's truly, what is the highest and best use of that time? And would a more analog approach serve us better.
I have a client right now who was considering this very question and we were talking about it in a recent session. She was tired of reaching for her phone. She never felt good after clicking through lots of different apps or getting lost and reading something or watching feed updates and her kids would get frustrated too.
I experienced this where when they always see us. on our phone with our nose in our phone, like mom, right? Even you'll see even little kids do this, push the phone away, or they want to see what's on the phone because you are so engrossed. So this client wanted something different. She recognized this was not Working, but what could she do instead?
Again, you don't wanna break the bubble, but you need to be nearby. And for her, her youngest is young enough that you do wanna have eyes on them, keep them safe, make sure they're not getting into things they're not supposed to be getting into. And so we we're brainstorming, what would be easy, whenever you are thinking about introducing something new, the first question you should always ask is, what would be easy?
We have. enough complicated things, enough stuff to remember and do in our lives. We need something that's easy. We don't need more hoops to jump through. What could she keep handy? Or as I like to say, what could she keep within arm's reach? So here are some of the ideas that she and I came up with together.
And then we'll talk about What this actually looks like. So a book, something to read is such an easy answer here. A book, a magazine, the paper, it's so simple and it's so easy to have on a coffee table, on a side table, on the shelf, or in a stack. Whether it's in the living room or the play area or nearby in a bedroom or outside on your porch in warmer weather.
This is how I read as much as I do. My book or books, I'm often reading multiple books at once, are nearby. They are always within arm's reach. So there's an easy one. Right off the bat, if you've been wanting to read more, how can you put that within arm's reach? Puzzling is a big one for me. This was not, one on my client's list.
This is on my list. I invested in a puzzle board in the last year or so. That I can store underneath my sofa. And oftentimes on the weekends, I will just have that puzzle board out on the dining table, which is in our main living space. And I will sit down here and there in between things when I just want to be near the kids and put a few pieces in.
I'm right here. I'm doing something analog if anyone needs me or wants to join me. Now that my kids are a little bit, my older two are a little bit older, they do love to join me. But it started when they were so much younger. Another idea might be a journal. I hear from so many of you that you want to write more.
You want to be a journaler. Well, what if your journal was handy? What if you wrote a sentence here or there? That happened to me this weekend. I think I wrote two sentences at the morning dining table before somebody needed me and I had to abandon it to help them get something in the kitchen. But having it available, I'm slowly getting back into that habit.
This would be a great one to grab instead of your phone. This particular client loves to write cards, notes to friends and family. So she thought, oh! What if I just keep some stationery nearby instead of stored away in a box, on a shelf, in a cupboard? Can I keep a couple of cards and a pen nearby where I can grab those and just work my way through a couple of notes to just send and say, I'm thinking of you.
I love this one so much. So fun. Oh, another idea. This one is one of mine. I asked for a book of Sudoku puzzles and word searches for Christmas. I know that you can get these via an app on your phone and it would be so easy. But there is something about pulling out a book of them with a pen and just working on them.
Those while I'm sitting on the floor or while I'm sitting at the art table next to my kids. It has been very fun this winter to pull that out and work on that as an analog activity. Coloring is another common one that I hear a lot. I have several friends who are into coloring. It's actually something that they do with their kids.
Their kids have a coloring book and they have an adult coloring book. This would be an easy one to pull out as well. And my clients are Other idea was a deck of cards. She loves to play solitaire, loves to play cards in general, but solitaire is an easy one to do when you're in the presence of your kids.
And so keeping a card deck, again, instead of stuffed away in an unused drawer or cupboard somewhere, Can it be more present? Can it be available? And while the kids are doing something nearby, can you shuffle and play a quick game of solitaire? Again, something that, yes, you could do on your phone or on your tablet, but we spend so much time on our devices.
It feels so good to hold an actual deck of cards in your hand.
So once we had a list of some ideas that she felt excited about, I'm not going to lie, I ended the session and thought, this is brilliant. I want to do this for myself as well. We had the idea of pulling together all of these options, these different activities into a little basket. She wanted to call it Her analog basket, it could be your phone replacement basket, and it can live wherever you find yourself spending time in the presence of your kids.
So, for example, in our house, Our living room has a couple of cupboards with different toys and activities. Or, I mean, let's be honest, we're stuck inside the winter right now. There's so much fort building and just indoor make believe play happening in that space. It's a perfect room for me to have a couple of these activities gathered together in a little basket or on the sofa table or nearby on a shelf.
I have my Sudoku book, I always have my book, my puzzle board is there right under the sofa, my knitting is also in that room. Again, it's easy for me to grab if you wanted to throw some stationery or a journal or a deck of cards or a coloring book, right? Where can you plant a couple of these activities so they are within arm's reach?
If you think about it, we do this for our kids already. We have baskets of magnetiles or a shelf of puzzles, or we have a little bin of cars. We have a tray of art supplies. I was going to say we put these things within arm's reach, but I know if you have a toddler you're not going to put art supplies where they can grab them at any time.
But within reason, we put these items within reach so that when our kids want something to do, We can pull it out, or better yet, they can pull it out. We make it accessible for them so they never have to go far, they don't have to go digging. My kids have water cups that even my youngest from when he was a toddler could reach in the bottom drawer.
We aim for self sufficiency. We can do the same thing for ourselves. What are the things that you tell yourself you never have time for? And can one of those things go in your analog basket or your phone free basket? Can you put it somewhere where it'll be nearby and easy to use? to grab. And then the next time you catch yourself reaching for your phone out of habit to just fill the time to just zone out, can you reach for one of those activities instead?
Yes, because you don't want your kids to always just see you on your phone, but also because it feels better. It feels better. You don't have to fill every single minute with something productive. It doesn't always have to be filled with laundry, or tidying, or doing some chore.
You can do something like play a game of solitaire, read a page in a book, write a card to a friend, or put a couple of pieces into a puzzle just because. Just because you want to be near your kids, you want to be present in your real life, instead of just your digital life, and because you deserve those things too.
And along the way, I wonder If you can slowly start to dissolve the constant attachment to your phone, and show your kid that you have your own interests and things that you enjoy doing just like they do.
So what would go in your analog basket? If you were to create your own version of this, what would go inside? I would love to know. Please send me a message. Instagram's probably the easiest if you're there. I'm at lovemothernurture. I also check my LinkedIn messages. Find me somewhere, send me a message, and let me know.
I'd also like to know how you navigate being on your phone around your kids. What works for you? I am so curious about this topic. And for now, I'm starting with my own analog basket.
As always, you can find everything mentioned in this episode over in the show notes at themothernurture. com forward slash podcast. If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend, a working mom colleague, or even post it on your Instagram stories or on your LinkedIn. Your support means so much to me and helps other working moms find this podcast.
All right, I will talk with you in the next episode and until then, take care.
If you enjoyed this episode, you won’t want to miss what’s coming next! Make sure you hit the subscribe button to tune into future episodes.
If you love the Life Coach for Working Moms Podcast, I’d be so grateful if you’d rate and review it on iTunes! Simply scroll down, tap to give it a five star rating, then tap “Write a Review.” Your rating and review will help more busy working moms discover helpful episodes each week!