How To Show Your Kids Who You Really Are
When I was young, my grandmother was in a nursing home for years. We lived about a 2-hour drive away and so didn't always get to visit with her as much as we would have liked.
My mom made a point of visiting our local nursing homes regularly to "pay it forward" in a way since we couldn't always be with our own grandmother. We were a musical family so sometimes we would perform for the residents. Other times we would just walk the halls and chat with whoever needed a comforting smile. I'm grateful that my mom normalized spending time in a place that can sometimes have a sort of "stigma" attached to it.
It's because of these experiences that I have such an appreciation for reminiscing. There is something so beautiful about listening to someone from an older generation talk about their memories and what life used to be like. They're transported to another time and they feel the feelings of those moments.
They're powerful.
And as parents especially, we play such a critical role in the memories that our children will have.
We can create the "moments", take the trips, start the traditions and those are all amazing memories that we can give our kids. But I think the memory that we often overlook is the memory of us.
Who are we to our kids?
As they grow and age and start to see us as individuals and not just "mom", who will they see?
Have you ever stopped to think about that?
A View from 10,000 Feet
One of my favorite exercises to use with clients who need a heavy dose of perspective is to ask them to picture their kid as a young adult. You can actually try the exercise right now if you’d like.
Picture a scenario where your grown child might be sharing about their childhood, the house in which they were raised, the values or priorities they learned from you.
Perhaps they’re in college and have met a new friend. Perhaps they’re on a first or second date with someone they really like, and they’re getting to know each other.
What does your “baby” say about you?
What do they remember about how you spent your time?
What were you really into?
What did you value?
And probably most importantly, how did you make them feel?
But I Have Plenty of Time
If your kids are young, you're probably thinking that you have plenty of time. Time for your kids to discover who you really are. Time to show them what you love (besides them) and what you are good at. Time for them to understand your values and your priorities. Time to teach them what matters most and how to prioritize their time!
But what I’ve come to realize is that:
these years are going to fly by quickly,
habits, especially when it comes to how I spend my time and doing things that I love, take a while to really solidify and I need to start practicing this stuff now, and
my kids are sponges and even though they’re young, they see everything.
What I Want Them to Remember
For me, when I do this exercise, I want my kids to remember:
how much I love music, reading, and having lots of different hobbies and interests.
how much I love their dad and how I show and tell him that every day.
how I took time for myself - continuing with hobbies, taking care of my body and my mental health, relaxing, and being with friends.
how grateful and appreciative I am for my life. That it has its challenges but that it’s an amazing gift that I don't take for granted.
how I made them feel - loved, accepted, appreciated, and valued.
I would encourage you to also think about specific memories - ones you've already created or ones that you want to create. The more detail the better.
For example, for my own mother, I remember how much she loved books. I specifically remember finding her hiding out in the laundry room where, instead of folding the clothes from the dryer, she was hunched over a book just reading “a few more pages”. I LOVE that memory and it has me thinking about what moments in time my kids will remember.
Emotional and Necessary
Thinking about the future can be emotional. It is for me. I had tears in my eyes just writing about what I want my own kids to remember. Partly because it’s sad to think of them as no longer my little babies. But also because I know I’m falling short of the big picture and I want to change that.
I certainly don’t expect you to do this exercise weekly. It would be too draining. I know I couldn’t handle it. But I do think doing it every once in a while is helpful. It puts the mundane day-to-day experiences into perspective and can be a wake-up call that if you’re not making time for things that you love, for values and priorities that you want to demonstrate to your kids, you need to start.
If you'd like to not just visualize your kids' memories, but actually create a plan for how you will bridge the gap between who you are today and who you want your kids to remember, my Coaching Intensive is the perfect solution. In your laser-focused, 90-minute coaching session we will get clear on your dream and who you want your kids to remember, and then we'll create a plan and a timeline together. You'll receive follow-up support for accountability and answers as you take your very first steps toward bringing your vision to life.
Book a free clarity call with me to chat through if this VIP experience is what you need to start creating the memories you want your kids to have!