Stop Trying to Create an Ideal Morning Routine

When my daughter was still very young and I'd been back to work just a couple of months, I remember reading about The Miracle Morning. The idea that everyone should follow an intentional morning routine in order to get the most out of their days (and ultimately, lives).

There was article after article about what successful people do first thing in the morning and I felt like everywhere I looked all I saw were beautiful images of women starting their day with a peaceful cup of coffee on the front porch, followed by a few minutes of journaling, meditation, and lastly a workout.

And I would lament, or more like complain, to anyone who would listen about my complete lack of a morning routine.

I thought that those women, those successful people, were doing it right. They were starting their days with intention and putting themselves first before the rest of a busy day. They were making sure that the MOST IMPORTANT thing got taken care of first - themselves.

By contrast, my mornings, like so many moms with young kids, were chaotic. They were a frantic rush from start to finish because it wasn't just about getting myself ready for the day, it was getting 2 kids ready in addition, each with their own opinions, schedules, and moods to manage.

And with a little baby in the mix, wake-up times ranged from early to PAINFULLY early with little rhyme or reason to the schedule as she cut new teeth and worked her way through significant developmental milestones.

I would have loved a peaceful start to the day, but I settled instead for just getting everyone out the door dressed, fed, and as close to on time as possible.

I hoped that one day, as the kids got older, more self-sufficient, and more consistent with their sleep and routines, I might have a morning routine to dream about. But that was not my reality, and it might not be yours too.

Maybe, like me, you've spent too much time beating yourself up for not being able to “get it together”.

You've tried setting your alarm super early and then feel guilty or angry when you hit the snooze button and end up in the same frantic rush with absolutely NO TIME to meditate or drink your coffee in peace.

OR, you wake up early, and just as you're settling into your meditation, the baby wakes up crying and needing to be fed. I remember taking my frustration out on her, asking her why she couldn’t just “sleep in”!!

Morning after morning you fall into this awful trap. Falling short of the morning routine that you want and feeling tired, angry, and frustrated that you can’t make it happen.

But let's think for a minute about who is preaching about morning routines.

Are the people in those pictures, or the authors of those ideal morning routine articles parents?

Do they have kids to get ready in the morning in addition to their beautiful routine? Have they gotten up multiple times the night before to feed a baby or comfort a crying child?

My guess is probably not. Or if they are parents, they have incredibly easy-going kids or kids who are much older.

What if an ideal morning routine is just another expectation you're putting on yourself and an unrealistic one at that?

What You Can Do Instead

Instead of a strict morning routine, try creating a list of things you enjoy doing in the morning. Things like:

• Drink a HOT cup of coffee

• Journal

• Workout for 20-30 minutes

• Be outside

• Listen to a podcast or audiobook

• Write a gratitude list

• Tell your kids you love them

• Put on lipstick (I always feel like a badass with lipstick on)

For me, knowing the quality of my sleep with a small baby, how early I was already waking up, and the pace at which we all got ready in the morning, doing ALL of the things on my list was in NO WAY possible. But doing 1 or 2 of those things? Absolutely doable.

So I implemented a Flexible Morning Menu - basically a list of options that I could choose from. A menu.

I tried waking up at the same time each day. Some mornings my daughter would be up with me because she was up early and hungry. Other mornings she’d still be sleeping. Either scenario was OK.

Then, depending on whether I was alone or with her, I did my best to incorporate at least a couple of items from the list.

• I would sit on the porch with her to get my outside time and tell her that I love her.

• If sleep was good the night before, she would sit and play with toys while I did a few exercises or sun salutations in the living room.

• I would use my extra-insulated to-go thermos so my coffee was always hot, no matter when I got around to drinking it.

• I would listen to a podcast or audiobook on my morning commute.

• I would journal or write a gratitude list once I got to the office, provided I didn’t have a meeting first thing in the morning.

• And putting on lipstick every morning? As long as it was in the car, it was easy to put on before heading in to work.

Having a flexible morning menu allowed me to let go of the expectations that anything about my mornings had to be perfect. And it re-framed the whole exercise.

I started seeing all of the little things that I DID do for myself as beneficial instead of falling short of what I thought I SHOULD be doing.

What if you released the idea of an ideal morning routine, for now? What if you let go of the frustration and disappointment that comes from comparing others' routines to your lack of routine? And then trust that your time will come eventually IF that's still what you want. 

Just because your mornings look different from day to day, and therefore so does your "morning routine", doesn't mean they can't be enjoyable or serve you in some way. They're just a bit more lively! 

And that's what makes working motherhood so fun. You get to create your own rules and show your kids what it can look like to take care of yourself, while also being flexible and taking care of them.

When we work together, you'll examine all the unwritten rules you have for yourself and find a new way of doing things. From morning and bedtime routines to career promotions and pauses, you get to decide what works for you. I'm here to share ideas, challenge you, and cheer you on as you create a life that feels easy. 

You're meant to enjoy your life. Don't wait.