How to Reset & Refocus After a Tough Parenting Moment
Last week, after a particularly trying morning with the kids, I walked home after school drop-off with tears in my eyes.
I was physically tired. Rushing around, packing lunches, filling water bottles, holding hands, and wiping tears takes a toll.
But I was even more mentally tired.
From trying to calm my kindergartener when he was crying, scared of the dental x-ray machine.
From tending to my daughter after a really nasty fall that had me questioning if she'd fractured something.
And from coaxing my youngest through the school door when he was clinging and didn't want me to leave.
All this (and more) and it wasn't even 9:30 AM yet!!!
I would have loved nothing more at that point than to curl up on the couch with a cup of tea and escape into my latest romance novel.
But that's not real life.
Real life means that there's still work to do, clients to see, deadlines to meet, and pages of to-dos to check off.
So how do you recenter yourself and focus on what needs to get done when you've had a tough parenting experience or are going through a challenging season?
How do you not let it overshadow the other parts of your life impacting your focus and productivity?
Well, in my life before coaching, I would have rushed right up to my office, powered on the laptop, and started checking things off the list.
After all, there's no time to waste.
Maybe you feel like you have no other choice but to do the same. To get to work as quickly as possible. To put the morning behind you and power through.
But what happens is those feelings, that replay of the morning, will continue to run in the background of your mind like a TV that's on behind the bar or in the waiting area of the airport.
You might not be actively watching it, but you hear it.
You sneak glimpses of it and occasionally, you catch yourself distracted by a headline or a funny commercial.
Not addressing what happened will end up being a slow leak to your productivity and focus.
Not to mention that those unresolved feelings - the anger, frustration, overwhelm, or sadness - will come out eventually.
Maybe at your kids when you go to pick them up and they're whining or arguing.
Maybe at your partner in the evening when he leaves a pot soaking in the sink instead of washing it.
Maye at your colleague or a client when they ask one too many questions.
It feels counterintuitive and frankly just really hard to pause instead of rushing to the next thing.
I mean you already feel like you don't have enough time. The rest of life doesn't stop because you're going through a tough season or had a particularly hard morning.
But your pause can be just a few seconds if that's all you have.
Just long enough for you to do two things:
Acknowledge what is happening and how you feel.
Check-in to hear what you need.
In the same way you might parent a toddler to find the words for how they're feeling, we can do the same for ourselves.
Just a moment to acknowledge and validate that you're angry or frustrated and feeling defeated can be all you need to accept it and continue on with your day.
From there, check-in. I realized in that morning that I hadn't had my mushroom coffee yet and I desperately needed just 5 minutes of quiet before I jumped into work.
Maybe you need some food or water. Maybe just a deep breath where you shrug your shoulders. Maybe you could use some music, a quick walk around the parking lot, or to bend over and stretch it out in a quick down dog.
Shifting from a chaotic morning or from thinking about a challenging season in your life to work mode can be jarring.
Taking 60 seconds, 5 minutes, or 10 minutes if you have it, to mentally prepare yourself by acknowledging where you were and asking what you need now, can make all the difference in whether or not you have the energy and focus for what needs to be done next.
Sometimes coaching is about the logistics, the schedule, and the to-do list - how you fit things into your busy life in an efficient way.
And sometimes it's about shifting perspective, pausing amidst the chaos, and acknowledging that parts of this are hard. But you're doing it.
And doing it with support can make all the difference.
If you want to increase your focus, download the Working Mom's Ultimate Guide to Getting It Done.
It will walk you through my step-by-step process for keeping work and life organized so you feel confident that you’re prioritizing the most important things.