How to Make Date Nights Fun Again – The Key to Reconnecting with Your Partner After Parenthood
As parents, we can get so caught up in the day-to-day tasks of caring for our kids, managing the household, and juggling work responsibilities, that we forget about our partner. We don't think or don't have time to think about how to truly connect and enjoy spending time together. If you’re planning a date with your spouse or partner or even just looking for everyday ways to connect, I want to talk about something that often gets overlooked but is so crucial to your relationship: Having fun!
Let me be honest, as much as we hear about the importance of date nights and quality time together, many parents struggle to make the time, and when they do, they struggle to make these moments enjoyable and meaningful. I speak from both personal experience and from the countless coaching sessions I’ve had with women who are navigating this very challenge. So, how do you shift your approach and bring joy and connection back into your relationships after kids? It's about what you do.
The Reality of Date Night After Kids
Let’s be real—finding time for a date is already a huge hurdle for working parents. Between school schedules, work demands, and household chores, just making time for the two of you can seem impossible.
I remember just last week, my husband and I finally managed to carve out time for a lunch date during the workday. We had to put it on the calendar two or three months in advance (yes, months!). And somehow, everything aligned on that Friday. The kids were healthy, no snow days, and things just worked out (not always the case).
But even once you manage to get the time, you still have to deal with finding childcare (and let’s not even talk about the rising cost of babysitters!), decide where you're going to go, make the plans or the reservations, prepare dinner for the kids, and on and on.
After all that planning, you finally make it to the date. You’ve put in all the work and effort—so why does it feel like something’s still missing?
The Guilt Trap and the "Check the Box" Mentality
Many couples end up just going through the motions on their days. It’s easy to get caught in the “date night checklist” mentality—we went out, check; we spent time together without the kids, check; we showed the kids that our marriage matters, check.
You get to the restaurant or bar, and there you are, sitting across from each other, thinking, “Well, this is nice… but are we actually connecting? Are we having fun?”
If you’ve ever been there, you know exactly what I mean. You end up talking about the kids, the schedules, work, or adulting. And yes, that’s important—it’s necessary to talk about logistics, especially when you’re managing the busy life of a working parent. But here’s the thing: when that’s all you’re talking about, it’s not the best use of your time together. It's not creating a deeper connection.
The Secret Ingredient: Fun & Connection
So how do you break out of this “checking the box” routine? How do you make your date nights fun again? How do you actually feel connected to your partners when you’re out, instead of feeling like you’re just two people going through a necessary routine?
You have to do something different. And no, trying a new restaurant doesn’t count (although it’s a step in the right direction). The key is to do something new together—something that engages both of you in a shared experience.
Research shows that learning something new together can actually strengthen your relationship. When you experience new activities with your partner, you bond in a completely different way. Think about the strongest relationships in your life. Were they formed around shared experiences? Whether it was a high school project, a trip, or something unique, those memories create strong connections.
When you try a new activity together, you’re forced to focus on the experience instead of the to-do lists or kids. You’ll be learning and figuring out the activity together, which helps you reconnect in a way that just going through the motions at dinner will not.
How to Create Fun and Connection Again
When you do something new, you’ll get to focus on something completely different. Maybe you’ll laugh at each other’s attempts, maybe you’ll bond over the challenge, but either way, you’ll be engaged with each other in a way that’s fun and fresh.
So, what types of activities can you try that might reignite that fun spark? Here are a few ideas to get you started—some of them are personal favorites, others are ideas I’ve seen work for others:
Take a cooking class or attend a wine/beer/coffee/cheese tasting.
Go bowling—it’s fun and lighthearted, and it brings out the playful side in everyone.
Try an arcade—revisit childhood games and compete with each other!
Roller skating or ice skating (just be careful, no one wants a broken leg on date night).
Kayaking or canoeing—perfect for some quiet time out on the water.
Amusement park—throw yourselves into the thrill of a new ride together.
Putt-putt golf or Top Golf—low pressure, lots of laughs.
Escape room—work together to solve puzzles and escape before the clock runs out.
Take a dance class—learn a new style of dance, or just have fun at a social.
Art or pottery class—get creative together!
Karaoke—revisit your favorite songs whether you can carry a tune or not.
Take a hike or try rock climbing for a bit of outdoor adventure.
Batting cages—get your game on and take turns hitting baseballs.
Take a tour—immerse yourselves in history, culture, or something new to you.
These activities are all about experiencing something new together and turning date night into something fun and exciting. The most important part? They pull your focus away from the normal adulting topics (kids, work, logistics) and put your attention where it should be—on each other and what you're doing together.
Finding Time for Fun and Reconnection
It’s easy to fall into the trap of putting your relationship on the backburner. I’ve worked with countless working moms who, after years of parenthood, realize their connection to their partner has faded. They’ve been so focused on the kids and the logistics of family life that they’ve forgotten how to have fun with their spouse.
The first step in changing that dynamic? Start by changing your relationship with time. For me, once I started making time for myself—getting my to-do list done, slowing down, and allowing space for connection—everything shifted. My husband and I had more meaningful conversations, and we started feeling more like a couple again, not just roommates or co-parents.
Remember, you deserve to have fun, too! You are allowed to experience joy in your relationship without the kids. It’s not just about doing the right thing for your marriage; it’s about genuinely enjoying each other’s company.
So, if you find yourself checking the box on date nights, consider trying something new. Take your relationship to the next level and discover what fun really looks like for the two of you.
If you’re ready to change your relationship with time and your connection with your partner,
I’d love to support you. In my 1:1 coaching program, we start by helping you reshape your relationship with time. Together, we can tackle the challenges of being a working parent, manage your personal and professional life, and, yes, rebuild your relationship with your partner.