How to Navigate the Working Mom Rollercoaster
Last week was really hard.
Without childcare for our 3 kids, my husband and I were forced to divide up our days, switching back and forth between working and being on childcare/remote school duty.
And because the rest of the world kept moving forward, those few hours during the day weren't nearly enough to get our work done so we both logged back on at night to try and catch up as much as we could.
By mid-week, we were both exhausted and showing up as shells of ourselves in everything.
By that point, I think I experienced just about every "negative" emotion available.
Anger at a culture/country that makes it SO HARD to be a working parent.
Guilt for feeling angry because the positive test result for my son was no big deal and I should feel lucky that we had zero symptoms and zero spread.
Frustration with myself for making my work such a big deal (aren't family and health everything?)
Sadness for the world that my kids are living in right now.
And just blah (I have no other way to describe it).
My mind wanted to jump in and save me from this tornado of uncomfortable feelings - the swirl of despair as I called it.
I tried something different instead...
I gave my mind something else to focus on. I gave it a 1,000 piece jigsaw puzzle! Ha ha.
You might think that a puzzle is just a distraction from reality. A way of escaping my circumstances. But I saw it as a type of active meditation. It allowed my mind to do what it does best - having a focus and solving a problem.
It was a challenge that my mind enthusiastically accepted.
While it was busy fitting puzzle pieces together, my body started to relax.
Interesting right? That when I was no longer focused solely on all the things that were going wrong, I was able to just allow the sadness, despair, anger, and frustration to exist.
I could wrap myself in the comfort of a puzzle in my cozy house in the middle of winter and let things be without the need to "mindset" my way out of them.
And an amazing thing happened. I continued to feel blah for a few days as I went through the motions of work and responsibilities while puzzling any chance I got. But then... I started feeling better. My mind started looking for the next challenge (like riding my indoor bike or taking the kids out in the cold) and the negative emotions felt lighter.
Today I'm writing this email to you after a full day of childcare and focused work and QUIET. We made it through, as we were always meant to. And I have a puzzle and my body to thank for it.
Moral of the Story
The moral of the story is not to run out and buy a new jigsaw puzzle. Though if that's your thing, I definitely support it.
The moral of the story is to allow yourself to FEEL whatever it is you're feeling. And right now, I can only guess that's a rollercoaster of emotions.
Don't expect yourself to feel optimistic or capable or grateful if that's not true in this moment. Give your mind something to focus on, distract it if you must, and let your body process everything else.
I've found, for myself and for my clients, that when you allow all the things, they process and move on much faster and easier than if you forced them out.
And if nothing else, don't you want to model for your kids that it's ok to not be ok? Make yourself feel safe in the same way you make things safe for them.
If you want to learn how to manage your expectations of yourself, to allow all the feelings and know that you will survive even the most uncomfortable ones and the most challenging seasons, this is the work we do in private coaching (along with all of the practical strategies that support you in everyday life).
If you’re reading this and wish to get off the rollercoaster, book a clarity call so we can chat.