Episode 20: Navigating Family Travel with Realistic Expectations
ITUNES | SPOTIFY
It's not a vacation, it's "taking the show on the road". There's so much that goes into preparing for and actually executing on travel once you have kids. And particularly for working moms, who are navigating work responsibilities up to and even sometimes throughout travel, it's a lot. In this episode, I'm offering practical tips to help make travel a little less stressful and a little more enjoyable, including ways that you can share the mental load of everything that goes into making a trip a reality. And yes, a lot of it does come down to your expectations, but we're talking about that too! Listen in if you've got travel plans on the horizon or if you're thinking about taking more trips with your kids this year. It's possible to shift your perspective and welcome the ups and downs of "doing life in a new place".
In this episode, you’ll learn…
01:38 Traveling with kids: expectations vs. reality
05:25 Managing travel expectations
13:10 The Importance of a packing list
14:54 Sharing travel responsibilities
19:13 What laughing more models to your kids
21:39 Take this work to the next level
links & resources mentioned in this episode:
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You are listening to the Life Coach for Working Moms podcast, the show where we are talking about what it actually takes to make life work as a working mom. I'm your host, Katelyn Denning, a full time working mom of three and a certified life and executive coach. I'm so glad you're here and I hope you enjoy this week's episode
Hey, welcome back to another episode of the podcast. If you are listening to this in real time, it's a holiday week here in the States. And so I thought I would talk about travel. We change up what we do every year. I think I've shared before, we've got four sets of grandparents to visit with and see during the different holiday seasons.
And so some years we travel and some years we host and So I know for a lot of you, whether it's the holiday season or weekend trips or vacations, travel is a part of life for most of us, not all of us, but for most of us, it's a part of life and it's a topic, you know, relevant to moms in general. Whether or not you work, but I think for working moms in particular there's a slightly different experience when you are Working right up until it's time to leave for whatever trip you're going on Or for you to step out of the office for a long weekend or a holiday weekend.
It's this Sort of pressure cooker environment of getting things ready and prepared for the trip and wrapping up work knowing that you're I'm probably going to return to a bunch of things that have piled up after your trip and drawing that line
between when you are actually going to step away and when you can still just fit one more thing in. And so I want to talk about some practical tips for preparing for travel and also just about our expectations and the experience in general of what it's like to travel with kids regardless of their age, but to travel with kids.
And so I should put a disclaimer out here before we get into anything today about travel and admit to you that I am not the best traveler. I know I can challenge myself right here. What is best mean, but I am not the most comfortable. Let, maybe that's a better word. I'm not the most comfortable traveler.
I want to be someone who is adventurous and embraces travel, but The reality is I love home. I love my routines. I love my bed. I love eating my own food. And so it can sometimes feel a little uncomfortable for me. Now that said, we do travel regularly. Even if it's a day trip or a weekend trip, we travel to see family.
Three out of our four sets of grandparents are not local to us. So we've got a minimum of two hour drive, if not longer. And I want also for my kids to experience new places and different cultures as they get older. And so I am learning with time and with practice, how to make it work for me. And I think the biggest lesson that I have learned or continue to learn on this parenting journey is to just notice my expectations.
Part of being successful with travel is to do some planning. Maybe some of you are very spontaneous, fly by the seat of your pants travelers, but that becomes more challenging as you have kids, even if that is your tendency and you have lots of examples and proof to show me of how that does work and can be a successful way to travel, I have no doubt.
But with kids, at least in particular, you're thinking ahead about, what's the weather so that I know what to pack, what snacks might we need to keep everyone happy and not hangry while we are traveling? What are the reservations that we need to make? And roughly who are we going to see when, where are we going to sleep?
What's the setup like for our kids to be able to successfully rest or sleep wherever it is that we're going. And that planning piece right there. is the start of our expectations for whatever trip we're going on. How is it going to be when we see the people that we're visiting? What will sleep be like?
What will we eat? And expectations aren't wrong, but they are something worth noticing. I used to say, oh, I need to manage my expectations, but I think I'm shifting to, to just this place of noticing my expectations. Right? Ah, I am expecting my kids to sleep well, but there's no guarantee that they will adjust to a hotel or the floor of a family member's home or this Airbnb situation that we've got going on.
Or, oh, I'm expecting everyone to get along and play well together. Or I'm expecting in some small way that Maybe the kids will be distracted, there won't be meltdowns, or we will make good time on the road and not have to stop, and on and on and on. Those things could happen. It could go the way that maybe there's a part of me hopes that it will go.
It also could not go that way. And can I be okay with either outcome? There's that saying about vacations or travel, I'm not sure which term is used specifically in the saying, but the gist is, it's not really vacation anymore after you have kids. It is taking the show on the road. It's doing life in a new location.
And there is value in that. Life and work and parenting can get monotonous. There's a reason that so many of the women who apply to work with me use phrases like hamster wheel and groundhog day. and rinse and repeat, we get into these patterns. We get up and do the morning routine and get the kids where they need to go.
And then we sit down and we work for, as many hours as we have childcare. We pick them up, we play, or we take a walk, we feed them dinner, we get a bath and read books and go to bed and do it all over again tomorrow. It's how we make it through the day, get everyone where they need to be and fed and sleep and our work done.
And those are great things. And they can feel when there's no break, like it is being in a groundhog day that repeats over and over and over again. And so taking the show on the road can be helpful for no other reason than it just breaks up the monotony. It can make you appreciate your home, your routines, the consistency of the things that you've put in place for yourself and your family.
And maybe you come back not fully rested and refreshed, maybe that'll happen someday, but maybe you're not fully rested and refreshed, but you come back with an appreciation for what you have. Or maybe you come back with ideas for what you might want to do to change things up. I have heard from so many people who travel with limited toys and activities how resourceful their kids are when they are in an Airbnb without all of the things to entertain them, right?
It makes you question, do I need all of those things at home? Or for example, every time we visit my sister's house, I come back with a new idea Or some inspiration for how I want to do things at home with my kids. And I love that. There are little things that I can't really absorb through phone conversations with her, but from being in her home, away from our space and our routines, I get to see another way of doing things or think about another way that could be possible for us to do things.
So maybe as you think about expectations for your upcoming trip or for that travel or vacation that you have planned, sure, it may be for things to go a certain way or for you to visit or see things or for everyone to behave a certain way, but also it could just be that it's a different experience, that it's doing life somewhere else.
There are some expectations that I have learned to notice and actually lower a little bit for myself when it comes to travel. And I'll share a few of those with you. I'm sure you have your own, maybe this will spark some ideas about things that you have or are starting to notice as things that.
Probably are true more often than not for you, for your kids, for your family, and we just do ourselves a disservice when we resist what is so, for example, I expect now that as soon as we get into the car and we start driving for any distance. I'm going to have one, if not two, kids who complain about their bellies hurting.
They thankfully don't actually get sick, but they do feel carsick. And that is to be expected now. I don't get frustrated by that. I welcome it. I do some things if it's a long trip to help mitigate it, but I expect that. I expect that we are going to need to stop. That we are going to need breaks, we're going to need to stretch our legs and use the restroom and anything else.
And for me to think that we're going to just plow through and make good time like the way my husband and I used to on all of our road trips when, oh my gosh, how did we do that? Drive, you know, 12, 15 hours straight in a day? That's just not my reality anymore. And so I expect that we're going to need to stop.
I expect that I'm not going to get through all of the work or the reading or the in depth discussions that I think my husband and I are going to have uninterrupted in the front seat of the car. Maybe they'll all take a nap or be engrossed in a movie and that will happen, but I'm not going to expect that.
I'll just be pleasantly surprised or it'll be icing on the cake if it does. And a big one for me has been noticing my expectations around how everyone feels. I cannot control if my kids enjoy or appreciate the things that I have planned, if they love the travel or the new experiences or the place where we end up spending the night.
I just cannot control that. And so I noticed my expectations there and also expect that someone's going to be unhappy. There are five of us. The days when all five of us are aligned , and feeling good and happy or satisfied with things, that's rare. And so I expect that just because we're going somewhere new or novel or seeing family, that, that may not change.
Now, one of the things that I don't know about for you all, but for me. Is this added layer of stress when it comes to travel is, is all of the preparation thinking through, what you need, the logistics of the travel itself, wrapping up work, right? What am I going to commit to finishing before I step away for this period of time?
And what are my expectations while I'm gone?
I notice that when I am exhausted or overwhelmed by all of the logistics leading up to a trip, and then I get into the car, or we get through security and onto the plane, and I'm completely wiped and grumpy, that's Everyone feels that. My kids almost feed off of it. They take that on, that feeling. They take it on for themselves as well.
And, uh, I mean, that's, feels like one more thing that I have to manage my mood to, to maybe set a different tone for the trip. But. Really,
it's travel, and I know how this goes. I know what the preparation is that's required of us to make a trip, and it's a lot. It shouldn't be a surprise. So what can you do to prepare more in advance? What can I do to support myself to maybe start our trip with a more relaxed vibe? Sure. Yeah, it helps everyone to chill a bit more when I am also chill.
It's also just A more enjoyable experience for me too. I don't enjoy starting a trip feeling completely overwhelmed and burnt out and we haven't even gone five miles yet in the car. So the best thing that, that I've done for myself is to create a packing list. Surprise, surprise, right? I'm a fan of lists.
I think just in the same way that we get everything out of our head in terms of what we need to do or what's coming up in terms of the schedule, that we can do the same with what we need to bring. for our travels. Now, what I love about packing lists, especially with kids, is that so much of it is repeatable when you think about it, depending on their age and stage, you know, that will shift from age to age, but in general, they need toothbrushes or the baby needs diapers and wipes and a sleep sack.
Everybody needs clothes, maybe a sound machine, Maybe you need bottles or baby food. My kids need their stuffy and their books and their book light to be able to sleep. So can you create a list that you simply copy and paste a list that holds all of those bare minimum items that you'll use for every trip, regardless of where you're going, how you're getting there, where you're staying.
Then you just change out the variables. So what type of outfits or outerwear or swimwear do you need depending on where you're going? Or do we need to bring gifts because it's the holidays? Or is this a celebration and we're responsible for the cake or some food items? Or we're staying somewhere where we have to bring the pack and play versus your parents house where maybe they have a crib, right?
You change out those variables, but there's a baseline of items that stays the same regardless. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What I love about a packing list too, and this is really important, is a packing list allows you to share the responsibility of packing. I'm going to say that again. A packing list allows you to share the responsibility of packing because if it's all in your head and you are the only one who knows how to pack or what to pack, no one can help you.
You have to do it. But when you create a list, especially baseline, that standardized portion that carries over from trip to trip, your partner can pack. They just follow the checklist. And pull everything out, put it into a bag and check it off as they go. Or your kids can do it for themselves as they get older.
I had a client with school aged kids who traveled a lot. They traveled a lot as a family and she had her go to packing list in a spreadsheet. Would update it briefly, quickly for the particular trip and then print it for each of the kids. And they would go through and check off the items as they laid them out on the bed.
And actually her oldest, her daughter was in charge of checking the list to make sure. You can also assign different categories of travel. So depending on where you're going or what you might need, for example, my husband is in charge of tech. I don't touch the tech for our trips. Even if he's not going, he preps it for us,
tablets are charged. He packs headphones, makes sure that the Disney movies are downloaded and updated on the tablets because they feel like they expire all the time and you get there and get in the car and it's not available. So that's his piece to own. My oldest now helps me pack any of the car snacks.
He knows to grab three of everything, actually six for three on the way there, three on the way back. And each of my kids are in charge of making sure that they have water bottles. So when you have these go to items that you're always packing and you have it in some sort of shareable list, whether that's a printed piece of paper, a copy and paste checklist that you, you know, share in the notes app or in a digital notebook of some kind that syncs across phones, everybody has access and.
Everybody can pitch in to help. Other little random things that I feel like I should throw in here to remind you about, make sure that you have what you need. No one, in my experience, no one's happy if mom doesn't have her snacks, the snacks that I like, or if I don't have my Kindle or my journal. There are certain things that I need to have the experience that I want when we travel.
I'm taking care of everyone else. I need things for me too. Yes, you are planning for and anticipating your kids needs, but also remember to ask yourself, what do you need? Make a decision in advance. about your work. Put up an out of office message and decide what you're doing about work. It's fine if you want to do a little work or check email while you're traveling.
Maybe you want to do that after the kids go to bed or during their nap time. That's fine, but make that a conscious choice, a decision that you make in advance, not one that you default into. What is this trip look like for you? How do you want to experience this travel? Is work a part of that? And then once you make your decision, set some parameters for yourself.
You're going to silence your email notifications, or you're going to allow yourself 30 minutes each day to just clean up, the ancillary emails so that when you come back it's only the things that actually require your attention. Or you might read items but you're not going to reply because you don't want anyone else to know that you're actually working.
What are those parameters? Decide them in advance so it's not a decision that you have to make once you're already on the go.
I want to throw a tip in here about laughing. I'm just, let's just say laugh, that is the tip, laugh. This one I have had to really practice and get better at over time because it is not my default response. My default response is not to laugh when things go wrong or out of my control. I will be honest, I want to cry and rage.
But I have practiced over time trying to remember or remind myself what a great story this will make someday and just look over at my husband and laugh or chuckle or roll my eyes. Now, this isn't travel related, but this past weekend, my daughter and I were making Puppy Chow for her birthday, actually it was called Unicorn Chow, blech, it was not good, but the kids loved it.
We were making this Unicorn Chow for her birthday, and if you know anything about it, right, it's the same gist as Puppy Chow. You've got rice chex, you've got tons of powdered sugar, all in a Ziploc bag, sealed it up, hand it to her to shake it all around. She turns it upside down to get all the powdered sugar to fall over everything in the bag.
broke. Powdered sugar, just, I mean, like an avalanche, fell out of that bag everywhere. And if I hadn't been practicing this over the years, I know I would have been so frustrated and angry that that happened. But instead, all I could do was laugh. My husband actually ran in and took a picture, and we were just cracking up, covered in powdered sugar.
All I could do And we all have those moments as we travel. the epic meltdown, the detour that took forever, the Airbnb that was not what you thought it was going to be. And yes, that presents some logistical challenges and more problems that we have to solve for and maybe we're feeling at capacity, but also like, what else can you do except laugh?
And what does that show to our kids about our ability to solve? I had choked up there for a minute just thinking about that and what my kids are seeing when I respond in that way.
And so travel really is a choice. There are so many of these things in life that we feel like we have no choice in. We have to go see so and so, we have to make this trip or go to this competition this weekend or whatever your scenario is. But we could say no. In most of those situations, but we choose to visit family, to take the trip, to see a new city or state or country.
And when we travel, we are signing up for so many things that are beyond our control. You have to trust that you will be able to figure it out. If you forget something, if someone gets sick, or your flight gets canceled, you are capable. You are so capable of solving that problem, and you will figure it out.
Notice your expectations. It's about taking the show on the road. It's not about making sure that everyone is happy all of the time or there's no crying or that everyone sleeps well. It's about doing something different, being somewhere different, having an experience together as a family.
Noticing expectations like Letting go of things being perfect and favoring good enough, navigating the pressures and responsibilities of working and raising a family. These are all topics that my clients and I are exploring, that we're challenging and that we're creating our own unique solutions for.
If you want to feel more relaxed, more flexible, if you want to laugh more and create the mental space to perform well at work while also being present with your family. I encourage you to fill out an application and consider coaching and working together. There's never been a better time to reflect on 2024 and set your intentions for a 2025 that you can create.
I have openings now for one on one clients, as well as some other options, if that is not quite what you are looking for, but either way, your next step is to fill out an application and you can do that on my website at the mother nurture. com forward slash application. Hope that I gave you something to think about as we head into this holiday travel season, but for any travel that you might be doing and I wish you safe travels.
I wish you realistic expectations and I will talk with you in the next episode. Take care.
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