What If You Never Feel Like Yourself Again?
I talk to a lot of moms and one thing that I hear again, and again, is I just don't feel like myself.
Do you remember that feeling? Or maybe you’re experiencing that right now.
I believe that the transition to motherhood is a huge leap. It forces us to change in ways that we never expected. But instead of talking about how to get back to feeling like yourself, I want to ask you a simple question.
What if you never feel like yourself again?
Those Were the Days
Every year my husband creates a family photo album. I am so grateful that he manages all of our photos and creates these amazing memory books for us.
They include all of the highlights from that particular year - the big milestones, the adventures, the vacations, and also snapshots of daily life so we won’t forget.
My big kids, in particular, love to look through the albums. They love to see pictures of when they were a baby and and remember different trips or what they got for Christmas last year. Sometimes they'll look through our older albums, the ones from before they were born and it was just the two of us.
I love seeing their confused faces when they try to understand that we had a life before them!
We did some pretty amazing things. Sometimes I actually feel a little sad looking at those memories, especially the years right before our first was born. My husband and I were living in New Orleans, taking vacations with friends, focused on our careers. And I find myself missing that life. That life where I had far less responsibility and way more time on my hands (though I don’t think I fully appreciated it then).
And I think, those were the days.
But then I remember who I am today.
I think about how much I've grown, how much I've learned, how much I've changed. And I know I can't go back. Even if there was some way to make that happen, I'm not that person anymore.
You want to feel better
One of the most popular articles on my website is an article called, When Will I Feel Like Myself Again?
It makes sense since that’s a question that so many moms ask themselves. When will I feel like myself again?
Because when your life has been turned upside down, as it does when you become a mom, that change feels scary. This new and different person, these things that we are feeling, they’re so unfamiliar. So we searching for something that feels familiar again. Something that feels comfortable. And we think that if we could just be that person again we’d feel better.
I used to think it was just about time. Some women get back to feeling like themselves sooner than others. But I'm sitting here writing this after three kids and six years and I'm starting to think that maybe we never feel like ourselves again.
And maybe that's okay.
Asking Tough Questions
As a coach, it's my job to ask you tough questions. To make you think about things in a different way, even if it makes you uncomfortable.
So if I asked you, what if you never feel like yourself again, how does that make you feel?
Do you feel anxious or scared? Maybe a little sad or disappointed? Panicked? Angry?
You would not be alone if you said any one of those things.
There's a reason that some people say that you go through a grieving process after you have kids. You grieve who you used to be in the life that you used to have. It takes time.
In the process, you can, and I would encourage you to, make time for yourself again. Sometimes that’s picking up old hobbies that the “old” you used to enjoy. And sometimes that’s finding new activities, hobbies, and even friendships.
While activities and the things that you spend your time doing are important, they’re just one piece.
I want to challenge you to zoom out a little further and look at you as a person. Your own person, not just a mom. And then I want you to answer four questions:
What have you learned?
What are you grateful for?
Who do you want your kids to see?
If this is how it was always meant to be, if this is who you were always meant to be, how can you own that?
Whether it’s a bullet point list, a doodle, or a full-out journal entry, I want you to answer these questions with pen and paper.
Think about your responses. And then go back to my original question - What if you never feel like yourself again? How do you feel now?
My hope is that you start to feel proud of where you are today, more empowered, and maybe even a little excited. Excited for where you are today and who are becoming.
You can still appreciate who you used to be, but who you are today is who you were meant to be.
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