When Your Patience is Running Out, Try This

Are you feeling like your patience is being tested right now?

We are being asked to be patient with schools, while they figure things out. We're being asked to be patient with our kids who are going crazy after being home for so long. And we are being asked to be patient with ourselves - for not doing as much as we used to, for being so tired, for being… fill in the blank.

When my patience is being tested, there’s a phrase that I use to bring me back into the moment. To help me stop comparing what I think this moment should be, to what it actually is.

I promise it works…

There's this podcast episode that I share with all of my private clients. It's an interview-style episode where the guest shares her story about overcoming some pretty big obstacles. Obstacles like divorce, cancer, and career change. And during all of this, she discovers her passion in life, which is creating art.

And now, with a successful career, she continues to make time for this passion of creating art. While her commitment to her passion is inspiring, that's not the reason I share this episode with all of my clients.

One Simple Phrase

I share it because of a simple phrase that I have adopted and still use almost every single day. A phrase that the interviewee whispered to herself during chemo treatments, when she was alone after separation, and when any of the other unfortunate things happened, as they do in life. The phrase?

This moment is my destiny.

A little cheesy, right?

This moment is my destiny. I picture a big theatrical moment on stage or a silent movie where everyone is overly dramatic. But that's part of the reason I love it so much. When I say to myself, “this moment is my destiny,” it makes me smile. Sometimes I even giggle, depending on the moment.

It makes me think.

If this is how it's supposed to be, what am I supposed to learn from this? How will I look back on this moment and maybe see a transformative or pivotal moment that I can't see right now?

If this is how it was always meant to be. If this moment is my destiny, not some other moment, that's empowering.

Tantrums and Destiny

This sounds great in theory, but how does it apply to motherhood? Let me give you a real-life example. One that I'm sure most parents can relate to.

My youngest is 18 months old. And in case you don’t know, or you forget what that stage is like, it's where he can understand almost everything you're saying and knows what he wants, but he doesn't have the words to tell us. So there's a lot of grunting, pointing, and gestures to follow him places. But there's still a huge communication barrier, and it's frustrating for all of us.

The other day he was leading me into the living room pointing and I was trying to figure out what he wanted. Is it this? Is it that? Asking so many questions, trying to figure it out, but I just couldn’t. Beyond frustrated, he threw himself on the floor, screaming and sobbing and throwing a huge tantrum.

Old Katelyn would have responded very differently than I did in this scenario. I used to get so frustrated. Why are toddlers so hard? I thought the baby stage was hard. I just wanted the screaming to stop. I had very little patience.

But now, if think to myself, this moment is my destiny, well that makes me smile. How ridiculous? And how true!?

I was meant to be here, parenting this kid, witnessing this tantrum, feeling his frustration.

Not only does it make me smile, it brings me fully into the moment and de-escalates my own feelings so I can respond more patiently. Isn’t that the goal? To share our calm?

Before you regret it

But even beyond that, I can then think about what I’m learning. What is this teaching me? (hint: it’s patience). And all of that forces me into the moment. Being truly present and experiencing it all - the good and the uncomfortable. All by starting with that simple phrase.

So the next time you catch yourself thinking something should be different.

You should be a different way.

Your kids should behave a different way.

This is not how it should be.

Or when you feel your patience running out. Before you fly off the handle and react in a way you'll likely feel guilty about later, repeat these words.

This moment is my destiny

If this strategy was helpful and you’d like more coaching on being a present and patient mom, join me for a FREE masterclass - Keep Your Cool. You can register here.