What To Do When You Envy Another Mom

Do you ever look at another mom’s life and wish for what she has while simultaneously listing off every reason as to why you can’t do what she does?

Just this week I found myself feeling envious of another mom when I heard that she and her husband were taking a beach vacation during the holidays... just the two of them! #envious

Oh, what I would give to for a relaxing beach vacation with my husband to celebrate a belated 10-year anniversary and ring in the new year. She’s SO lucky.

There’s no way I could do that. Not with the kids and how young they are. Not with all the family we have to coordinate seeing during the holidays. Not with our work schedules. We just can’t.

Can we?

Is all of that stuff really true?

I’ll tell you what IS true. Saying “I CAN’T” is definitely easier than doing something that you think is hard. It’s easier than breaking tradition. It’s easier than disappointing family. It’s easier than actually putting myself and my marriage first.

The reality is that this woman has young kids just like me. She and her husband work full-time, just like we do. She likely had to get creative with childcare and holiday schedules to make this work.

What’s different between the two of us is that she didn't say I can’t. She figured out a way to make it happen. Right in the middle of the holidays.

I could do that too if it was a priority. I could make it happen. So the question I have to ask myself is, what are my priorities? What's important to me?

IS IT A PRIORITY?

One of the first exercises that I do with all my clients, is an exercise in figuring out priorities. Priorities for work. Priorities for family. Priorities for YOUR LIFE.

Once you tell me that something is a priority, we’re going to creatively figure out how you can SHOW me that it’s a priority.

So if taking care of your physical health is a priority, we’re going to figure out how to get you working out, eating healthier, or whatever it is that you need.

If finding time for your friends is a priority, we’re going to brainstorm ways to reconnect with existing friends or to create new friendships.

If doing less this holiday season is a priority, we are going to find those things that you're doing out of obligation and then I’m going to hold you accountable while you remove those activities from your calendar.

You might tell me you can’t.

That’s normal. It’s a habit for most of us, myself included.

And I’m going to challenge you on that.

Are you SURE you can’t? Or is saying I can’t just a habit? Is saying I can’t easier than letting go of something, of making a change, of saying no or asking for help?

I get it.

I just caught myself doing the same thing. Saying I can’t.

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

It turns out that while I would LOVE to take a beach vacation with my husband, I don't actually WANT to leave my kids during the holidays.

So instead of defaulting to, "You're so lucky. I could never do that." I'm reminding myself that I don't actually want to do that... at least not at the holidays. But you can bet I'm going to start figuring out a way to make it happen some other time. Because the desire is there, which tells me it needs to be a priority.

Whatever it is that you're telling yourself you can't do, challenge that thought. Is that really true? Or are you just defaulting into an old habit of saying I can't?

Living your priorities is worth the challenge of letting go of old habits and beliefs.

YOU CAN if it's what you want.

Best,

Katelyn

p.s. - Did you miss last week's workshop all about having a more relaxed holiday season? If you want me to send you the recording, just hit reply and let me know!