Who Will Your Kids Remember?
You know how certain books, movies, or podcast episodes just stick with you?
Like you'll always remember where you were when you heard it or what was happening in your life at the time?
That's how an old episode of Dax Shepard's Armchair Expert is for me.
I was on a plane flying home from my first work trip away from my son and Dax was interviewing Gwyneth Paltrow.
All I remember is how I felt listening to the two of them talk about their mothers and how much respect and admiration they have for them.
I was on my way home to my baby, missing him like crazy. And all I could think about was how I wanted that kind of relationship with him.
I wanted to commit to myself. To prioritize showing up in a way that would allow Henry to truly see me and how much I enjoy my life.
Do you ever think about what kind of relationship you're creating with your kids? Or how they will see you when they're grown?
PERSPECTIVE
One of my favorite exercises is a visualization exercise where I would ask you to picture your little baby as a young adult.
Picture a scenario where your grown child might be sharing about their childhood, the house in which they were raised, the values or priorities they learned from you.
Perhaps they’re in college and have met a new friend. Perhaps they’re on a first or second date with someone they really like, and they’re getting to know each other.
What does your “baby” say about you? What do they remember about how you spent your time? What were you really into? What did you value?
And most importantly, how did you make them feel?
PLENTY OF TIME
If your kids are young, you probably think that you have plenty of time. Time to show them who you really are. Time to show them what else you love (besides them) and what you're good at. Time to show them that you know how to spend your time!
But what I’ve come to realize, personally, and by watching my clients is:
that these years fly by quickly (I know we're tired of hearing it!),
that habits, especially when it comes to how you spend your time and doing things that you love, take a while to really solidify and you need to start practicing now, and
that your kids are sponges and even though they’re young, they see everything.
WHAT I WANT THEM TO REMEMBER
For me, when I do this exercise, I almost always come back to a few things I want my kids to remember:
how much I love music, reading, and my other hobbies.
how much I love their dad and how I show and tell him that every day.
how I took time for myself - continuing with hobbies, taking care of my body and my mental health, relaxing, and being with friends.
how grateful and appreciative I am for my life. That it has its challenges but it’s an amazing gift.
how I made them feel - loved, accepted, appreciated, and valued.
I would encourage you to also mentally create specific memories. The more detail the better.
For example, for my own mother, I remember how much she loved books. I specifically remember finding her hiding out in the laundry room where instead of folding the clothes from the dryer, she was hunched over a book just reading “a few more pages”. I LOVE that memory.
JUST START
Thinking about the future can be emotional. It is for me. I had tears in my eyes just writing about what I want my own kids to remember. Partly because it’s sad to think of them as no longer my little babies. But also because I know I’m falling short of the big picture and I want to change that.
I certainly don’t expect you to do this exercise weekly. But I do think doing it every once in a while is helpful. It puts the mundane day-to-day experiences into perspective and can be a wake-up call that if you’re not making time for things that you love, for values and priorities that you want to demonstrate to your kids, you need to start.
If you'd like me to guide you through a series of exercises and questions that will help you rediscover who you are and what you enjoy, reserve a spot for next week's workshop - Becoming You. And then if you need help looking at your schedule and finding the time to do more of what you want your kids to remember, consider booking a coaching intensive where we will create your plan to do just that.