Trying to 'Figure Out' Life as a Working Mom?
"I need to figure it out"
It's a phrase I hear frequently and I want to talk about it because it's sneaky and often drains your mental energy.
How?
Because it's not specific.
When someone asks, "What are your plans for spring break?" and your answer is, "I don't know. I need to figure that out." You're leaving an open loop in your mind. Something your brain will come back to over and over again to try to solve because it wants to close the loop.
Ot when someone asks, "What are you doing about preschool next year?" and you reply, "Oh, we still need to figure that out." You're leaving a decision undecided in your brain and your brain desperately wants to find the answer.
So it will be scanning for the answer or the solution in the background while you go about your day.
It'll be trying to figure it out so it can close the open loop.
And all that thinking takes a toll.
Those 6 words drain your mental energy and decision-making reserves.
But what if you actually DO need to figure it out?
How can you say that without creating an open loop or delaying a decision?
You give your brain something more specific.
Here's what I mean:
Those two examples from earlier - spring break and preschool - are real examples from my own life. I don't have the answers yet. I do need to figure it out, but here's what I'm telling myself instead.
I'm identifying and articulating the next step in the process of figuring it out.
I need to research options and narrow it down to two locations for a spring break trip.
I need to email the preschool coordinator to see if we were approved for a full-day spot. Then I need to compare the costs between our top two options.
Instead of a vague direction like "I need to figure it out", I'm telling my brain exactly what we're going to do next.
It's concrete and clear and my brain knows exactly what to do.
Once that next step is on my to-do list, there's nothing left for it to think or worry about. I'll just set aside the time to research, send that email, and compare costs. Simple. Straightforward.
It's not the decision in these scenarios that drains energy.
It's the vagueness of "I need to figure it out."
So the next time you catch yourself saying that, ask yourself instead - what is it exactly that I need to figure out and HOW will I do that?
Let the answer be what you tell yourself or the other person.
It might sound something like this:
"I know we want to take a trip for spring break and I just need to spend 30 minutes narrowing it down to two options so my husband and I can decide and make our reservations."
or
"I need to reach out to the preschool coordinator to find out if we have a full-day spot or not. That will determine which preschool we choose."
Those answers are clear. Those answers are confident.
And I don't know about you, but my brain just heaved a big sigh of relief.
It doesn't have to go "figuring anything out". It can just get to work on the next step.
If you want to get better at outlining your next steps, making faster decisions, and using your time to make progress on the things that matter, I can help. Whether it's through 1:1 coaching, my group program, or a 90-minute planning intensive, all you have to do is schedule a clarity call so you have the information you need to decide.
There's nothing to figure out. You can just book your call here.