Guarding Yourself Against the "Shoulds"
Please tell me I’m not the only one whose kids are constantly sick these days.
No sooner do they recover from one thing then they’re coming down with the next. We’ve been playing an endless relay game where we just pass the sickness from one kid to the next so that there’s rarely a moment when all 3 feel well at the same time.
It’s exhausting. It’s frustrating. And it’s so easy to feel like I'm doing something wrong.
I should be making them wash their hands more.
We shouldn’t have gone to that playdate in the park.
Maybe we should switch daycares or homeschool.
I bet a plant-based diet would have helped prevent this.
It can feel like you’re the only one going through it.
It’s lonely and it sucks!
Our most recent battle has been with hand foot and mouth (uggh) and as I was wallowing in my anger and sadness the other night after the kids finally fell asleep, I realized something.
It’s not the sicknesses themselves that suck. I mean, yes, it’s no fun to watch your kids suffer or to be up all night or to clean up after them. But it’s manageable. I know, for the most part, how to handle things.
What I struggle with is the unexpected and often last-minute change in plans. It's the loss of control. The feeling that I'm falling behind while everyone else continues on with life.
And all of that really boils down to tension. The tension between being with my kids when they're sick and thinking I should be doing anything other than taking care of my sick kids.
It's thinking:
I should be working, not taking another day off.
We should be out having fun, not sitting around on the couch.
My kids should be healthy, not getting sick again.
But really, is any of that true?
You could argue that if it's a workday, yes, you should be working. But the truth is you have a sick kid and you’re choosing to be with them.
So the only thing you should be doing is that.
And you end up creating more stress for yourself when you expect to do the same amount of work as a "normal" day. Or you expect to get work done while caring for a sick kid.
This week, as I've been home yet again, I've decided to try and guard myself against any "should" thoughts.
If I catch myself thinking, I should be working, or my kids should be healthy, I challenge that thought by asking the question - Says Who?
Because most times, the only person who says I should be doing those things is me.
Taking care of sick kids, navigating the return to school and daycare protocols, and taking care of yourself through it all are stressful enough. We don't need the added pressure of all those shoulds.
Your circumstances, your reality, they are what they are.
Be with your kids. Do what needs to be done. And then trust that you'll "catch up" when the time comes.
I know it's not easy. But you're not alone.
Did this resonate with you?
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