Being Present... Even In The Hard Moments

What's the first thing everyone asks you when you get back from a trip or vacation?

"How was your vacation?!" 

And in your opinion (I'm asking for a friend), is it ever appropriate to reply with, "it sucked"?

Or does that bring the conversation down too quickly?

I'll be honest, I feel a bit of pressure to say something positive. I mean, it's a privilege to be able to take a vacation in the first place!

So after our most recent family vacation, I breathed a sigh of relief when a colleague of mine said those words for me.

After I told her about how I went to urgent care twice for two different kids, and then my husband and I got sick from the exhaustion and lack of sleep that comes from caring for sick kids, she said ...

”That sucks. Unmet expectations are hard.”

Yes and yes!!!

I mean, I didn't expect our vacation to be relaxing. I'm seasoned enough to know that when you travel with young kids it's just the same routine, different setting. 

But I did expect us to be healthy. I did expect to hear my kids laughing and asking to play and swim and explore. And I did expect to have a little downtime in the evenings after they went to bed.

Unmet expectations are so hard, that I seriously contemplated throwing in the towel and coming home on our third day. 

I kept comparing my vacation expectations with reality and coming up short. 

I was so focused on how things were going all wrong that I stopped being present.

Present for the hard stuff and present for the good. (And there was good!)

When moms come to me saying that they want to be more present, I think they're thinking about the good moments.

To be in the moment playing with your kid. To be all in listening to them to tell you a story. To be mentally there in a game of hide and seek.

But I think being present is also being all in when things are hard. When you get that dose of attitude, or sit through a temper tantrum, or soothe a feverish kid.

It's about believing that this is exactly where you're meant to be.

Not thinking about what else you could or should be doing. Not comparing this moment to another one. Not checking it against expectations.

This. Here. Now.

That's what being present means. And it's a choice and a practice and it takes patience.

Patience with our kids, but more importantly, patience with ourselves.

This topic is so close to me. It's something that is and has been a daily practice of mine and it is one that I talk through with just about all of my coaching clients.  

How can you practice being present, in the here and now?