letting go of expectations as a working mom

"There's always something."

At this time of year especially, but let's be honest, as parents there's always something most times of the year.

The kid who wakes up sick and needs to stay home,
the "spirit week" at school that has you scrambling to put together some ridiculous outfit concoction,
the home project that's taking longer than you expected (and just the regular maintenance of things), or
the work deadline that's suddenly a high priority and requires you to drop everything else that you had planned for the week.

Sometimes the "somethings" aren't even unexpected. We know that the mammogram appointment or the visit to the orthodontist or the HVAC service visit is coming. It's on the calendar!

But it's still something that takes away from the time you would normally be working or doing your "normal" weekly activities.

The further I get into this working mom gig, the more I am learning that there really is no such thing as a normal week.

What is normal anyway?

For me, and most of the working moms I talk to, a normal week would be one where you work your regular schedule with few surprises, your kids go to daycare or school or are with the nanny for those same hours, and in general your plan for the week matches reality.

The outcome is what you expected.

A "normal week" is predictable. There are no surprises and that makes us feel in control.

But what most parents learn pretty quickly (or not so quickly for some) is that those weeks, the normal ones, are few and far between.

I have a client with a 6-month-old baby and she's been IN IT for the past month. From major unexpected house issues, and finding backup childcare, to going through developmental milestones, teething, and her husband getting pretty sick, she's starting to realize that there is always something.

She said recently, "I just didn't expect it to be like this."

I remember feeling the exact same way.

That's the problem with expectations.

We expect that parenting will just fit into our existing lives. Or we expect to have a normal week. Then when something comes up and our week feels abnormal, we make it wrong. We assume it's the outlier.

Until we realize that those outliers are more normal than a normal week, and then we start to feel defeated:

I didn't think it would be this way.
Or it's not supposed to be like this.
And worse - what am I doing wrong?

I wonder, if you were to go back through your calendar for this past year, what would the data show?

Would it show that there were more predictable weeks where everything went according to plan than unpredictable ones?

Or would the data show that you were really flexible, because most weeks had "something"?

If the latter, would you be amazed at how much you accomplished even though you had more unpredictable, abnormal weeks than normal weeks? 💪

What I want for you, is to be able to see those abnormal weeks as normal. To know that this is what we're all experiencing and there's nothing that you're doing wrong.

For you to be able to flow with the things that make each week a little different rather than be frustrated or exasperated by the constant changes.

So many people throw around the old adage "It is what it is."

Sure, there's truth to that phrase, but it's gotten so overused that it's become a bit meaningless.

I prefer to acknowledge that this isn't what I expected.

This isn't the week I thought I'd have.

My plans are going to have to change.

In the same way that we acknowledge our kids' anger or sadness or frustration, we can acknowledge that a sick kid means we're going to have to take the day off work. Or that last-minute project deadline means we're going to have to delay our other work for another week.

It might suck. After all, it probably means less time doing what we would "normally" do. But we're capable.

Capable of being flexible and finding a new solution.

And just like a messy house is a sign that someone is living a full life there. A plan that doesn't go to plan is just proof that you're out living life.

No Week is "Normal" as a Working Mom

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