What You Need to Hear When Life is Tough
When life is tough, you know what you need to hear? You need to hear, that sucks.
Or maybe - that’s so hard or that’s rough.
Probably not what you thought I was going to say, was it?
Talk So Kids Will Listen
Have you ever read the book, How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk? I read the version geared for little kids a few years back and the one thing that I still remember to this day, is how to respond to your kids when they are emotionally charged.
Think about it.
When you’re fired up about something and you share your story with say, a friend. You are upset, you’re outraged, you’re angry about something that happened and you are telling that story with inflection, tone and body language that reflects how strongly you feel.
And if your friend responds to you in a very calm, very soothing, very slow voice and says something like, “Calm down. Everything is going to be ok,” what does that make you want to do?
It makes you want to scream “I WILL NOT CALM DOWN. Didn’t you hear what I just said?!”
It’s so true!
We want a response that matches our own. We want someone to truly hear us. And the easiest way to know that someone has heard us is when they reflect back to us what we’re feeling.
We want to be heard and recognized
The authors of the book would say to respond to an angry toddler in an angry voice that matches theirs and say something like, “Gosh, you are so angry right now!”. We are matching them and we are recognizing and acknowledging how they truly feel.
And when we’re heard, what do we do? We take a breath. We loosen our grip just a little bit because we’re not alone and we’re not crazy. Someone has seen us and heard us.
So last week when my ENTIRE family was sick, when I was tired and angry and frustrated and just plain sad because we missed my daughter’s birthday AND Thanksgiving due to the stomach flu, I wanted someone to see me.
I wanted someone to hear how frustrated, exhausted, and sad I was.
So when I called my sister to tell my story, ALL I needed to hear was… That sucks Katelyn. I’m so sorry. What a TOUGH week.
That was it.
I didn’t need her to swoop in and solve my problems. (What could she do anyway, really?) I didn’t WANT her to tell me to count my blessings or look on the bright side. There was no way I could do that.
I just wanted the comfort of being heard and of not being alone.
Sometimes It Just Sucks
My work as a life coach is of course to help my clients enjoy their lives. To find ways to make the sometimes exhausting responsibilities of being a working mom a little easier. To help them be more present in the different roles that they have.
But I can’t completely take away the hard times, the frustrating times, or the sad times. I can help you find tools to navigate them AND I can also just listen and truly hear you.
If you’re going through a tough time, if your kids are sick or the holidays are stressful, I can give you the tools to get through it. I’m also here to tell you that sometimes it just sucks, and I hear you on that!
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