Last summer I received a summons for jury duty. I didn't end up serving on a trial, but during those two weeks, while they were choosing jurors, I remember feeling the weight of what I'd potentially be asked to do.

I'd be asked to decide whether I thought someone was guilty or not guilty.

Whether the evidence pointed to the person having done something wrong or not.

The word guilt comes with connotations and weight. It comes with images of courtrooms, judges, the guillotine (anyone else have that image come up?).

So as I was coaching a client recently on her feelings of mom guilt, we decided to try out a different word.

One that doesn't come with so much weight and the thought that you've done something wrong.

We swapped guilt for doubt.

Mom doubt. (or just doubt because not everything we experience as moms has to be labeled with the word "mom". No one ever says "dad guilt".)

Doubt doesn't mean you've done something wrong. It means you're unsure.

Unsure if going back to work was the right choice.
Unsure of how things will turn out with your child at daycare every day.
Unsure if you should be leaving for a weekend trip with girlfriends.
Unsure if you should be letting the kids have as much screen time as they have.
Unsure if you're making the best choice when it comes to what they eat or how much they sleep.

For most of these experiences and more, there's no true right or wrong. Parenting takes place in the gray.

And so what we experience isn't a verdict, guilty or not guilty, but a sense of not feeling certain.

Of course, that's how you feel! What is certain when it comes to parenting?

If you accept that, then there is no final judgment to be made. There's just doubt, which is totally normal.

I like, also, that the word doubt invites curiosity.

You get to ask yourself questions to understand the doubt more and where it's coming from.

Am I doubting this choice because it's not what I see other women around me or on social media doing?
Or am I doubting it because it doesn't feel right or true or in alignment for me?
If there's no verdict to be made, no such thing as a certain choice or outcome, what do I want to choose moving forward? Do I want to change anything?

Sometimes change starts with the small things - the words you use. The things you say to yourself.

If you are feeling "mom guilt", try just changing those words.

I'm feeling some doubt about my decision. I'm unsure.
Of course, I am. Parenting is full of decisions I have to make with the information I have at the time.
Then get curious. Why am I doubting this?
Do I want to make any changes or do I just want to get comfortable with the uncertainty?

Take the word doubt for a test drive and let me know what you think. How does it feel? Does it change anything for you?

If yes, then I think we have a mission. To change the way women think about mom guilt, by changing one word at a time.

There's a great article about mom guilt where I contributed my thoughts, strategies, and examples on how to think about and live with "mom guilt". You can read the full article here. What to Do About Mom Guilt and How to Use It to Your Advantage

Why The Term "Mom Guilt" Is Making You Feel Worse

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